RALPH: So gentlemen, here you are out having a stroll in the city streets. 

BENVOLIO: Which, isn't the greatest idea. I mean, it's hot and there's Capulets around. 

RALPH: And if you run into them, you might get into a fight. 

BENVOLIO: That's right. 

MERCUTIO: Well, he should talk. Benvolio is the kind of guy that walks into a bar and slaps his sword on the table and says, boy, I hope I have no need of thee. And by the time he's done with his second drink he's waving it in front of the bartender, ready to pick a fight with him. 

BENVOLIO: I'm like that? 

MERCUTIO: Are you kidding me? He's as hot as any hot-head in Italy. Just as soon to get angry as you look at him. 

RALPH: As soon, moved to be moody and as soon moody to be moved. 

MERCUTIO: Exactly. 

BENVOLIO: Yeah, well so? 

MERCUTIO: If there were two Benvolio's, pretty soon there wouldn't be any, because they'd kill each other. He just as soon get into a fight with somebody who has one whisker more, or one whisker less than he has. You pick a fight with somebody for cracking nuts, that only because the nuts were the same color as your eyes. 

BENVOLIO: You should talk. I mean, if I pick fights as easily as you do, I couldn't get life insurance that lasts more than an hour and a half. 

RALPH: Well, gentlemen it's funny that you should be talking about picking fights, because it's at this time that Tybalt shows up. 

MERCUTIO: So? 

RALPH: Well, Tybalt says that he wants to have a word with you. 

MERCUTIO: A word? How about a word and a blow to the head? 

RALPH: And then, he accuses you of hanging out with Romeo. 

MERCUTIO: Hanging out? What, like we're trying to start a band, or something? I'll make some noise with my sword. 

BENVOLIO: Come on, I mean, we're in the streets. I mean, can we go somewhere private or, you know, talk it out like men? Or, just leave? I mean, we shouldn't be doing this with people watching. 

MERCUTIO: People have eyes, so let them look. I'm not going anywhere. 

RALPH: Well, it's right at this moment that Romeo shows up, and that's who Tybalt's been looking for. 

MERCUTIO: He's been looking for Romeo? 

BENVOLIO: I told you, challenge him to a duel. 

MERCUTIO: So what happens next? 

RALPH: Well, he calls Romeo a villain. That's bad, right? 

BENVOLIO: Yeah, I mean it's like loser or low life. You shouldn't be calling people that. Especially, us. 

MERCUTIO: So does Romeo draw? 

RALPH: Well, no actually. Romeo tells Tybalt that he loves him. That Romeo is not a villain, and that he's got a go. 

MERCUTIO: What? 

RALPH: That's what he says. But Tybalt won't let him leave. He says Romeo has done him wrong, and that it's time to fight it out. 

BENVOLIO: Okay, so, finally they fight. 

RALPH: Well, actually, no. Romeo says he hasn't done him wrong, that he loves him more than he could understand, and that he will eventually understand the reason why. He says he loves the name of Capulet more dearly than his own. 

MERCUTIO: O calm dishonorable, vile submission. 

BENVOLIO: That's what I was going to say. 

RALPH: You don't approve of Romeos peacemaking? 

MERCUTIO: Hardly. He loves Tybalt? This guy's insane. So what, I guess is my turn. Will the rat-catcher walk with me? 

RALPH: Walk with you? 

MERCUTIO: I'm willing to take one of the nine lives of this King of cats. 

RALPH: You want to fight with him. 

MERCUTIO: Fight? It's more like a good beating. If taking one of his lives doesn't work, I'll take the other 8 too. 

RALPH: Well, in fact, he draws and you two go at it. 

MERCUTIO: And? I'm sure he fights all his technical passado and punto reversal and crap, but—

RALPH: Well, see, you two go around for a bit, but Romeo's pretty upset. He doesn't want either of you to get hurt, and he also doesn't want you to upset the prince with fighting in the street. You remember, that the princess passed a law against fighting in the street. 

MERCUTIO: Yeah, whatever. So, what happens? 

RALPH: Well so, it's hard to say, but Romeo steps in between you to break it up, and then Tybalt reaches his sword under Romeos arm, and stabs you. 

MERCUTIO: Stabs me? 

RALPH: Are you okay? 

MERCUTIO: I'm hurt. 

RALPH: Oh dear. 

BENVOLIO: Is it bad? 

MERCUTIO: A plague on both these houses.

RALPH: Because of the feud, you mean? 

MERCUTIO: I'm sped. 

MERCUTIO: Sped? 

BENVOLIO: Like, finished. I'm finished. 

RALPH: Could we get some help? 

MERCUTIO: Did I not hit him at all? Not one blow landed? 

BENVOLIO: How bad is it, Mercutio? 

MERCUTIO: A scratch from a cat, but this might be all it takes. I need a doctor. 

RALPH: Yes, we're working on it. It's pretty bad, huh? 

MERCUTIO: No, bad at all. Not so deep as a well. Not so wide does a church door, but it's enough. Ask me tomorrow and you'll find me a grave man. 

RALPH: Oh dear, do you mean are you—

MERCUTIO: Curse these houses, unbelievable. A dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat to scratch a man to death. To lose to that guy, do you see the stuff he wears? Why the devil did Romeo come between us? 

RALPH: I think he was just trying to help. 

MERCUTIO: To Help? You call that help? A plague on both their houses. I need to go inside. I'm sped. They have made worms meat of me. I'm done for. Damn, this feud. 

RALPH: Could we get a little help?