As she waits for the Nurse to come back from her secret meeting with Romeo, Juliet bemoans how long it's taking. Finally, the Nurse returns. But before she gives Juliet the good news, she decides to have a little fun with her charge, and goes on and on about her aching bones. At last, the Nurse tells Juliet that she is to meet Romeo and Friar Laurence today. As a bonus, she’ll leave a ladder out so that Romeo can climb into Juliet’s room that evening. That way, the newly married couple can spend the night together.
Juliet
It was nine o’clock when I sent the nurse. She promised to return in half an hour. Maybe she couldn’t meet with him. No, that can’t be. She’s so slow! Love’s messengers should move as quick as thoughts, which are ten times as fast as the sunbeams that push shadows back over the hillsides. That’s why they say Venus, the goddess of love, travels in a chariot pulled by swift doves, and Cupid is always drawn with wings. The sun is at its highest point of the day's journey, and from nine to noon is three long hours, yet she hasn’t come back.
If she had my emotions and my younger blood, she’d be there and back as quick as a tennis ball. My message would hit her to my sweet love, and his message would send her back to me. But so many old folks act like they’re already dead — unwieldy, slow, and heavy as lead. Oh God, here she comes! [Enter Nurse and Peter] Dear nurse, what’s the news? Have you met with him? Send your servant away.
Nurse
Peter, wait at the gate.
Juliet
Now, my dear sweet nurse — oh Lord, why do you look so serious?
Even if the news is bad, please tell it more happily. If the news is good, play it like sweet music, don’t make it sour with that face.
Nurse
I’m tired, let me rest awhile. Hell, my bones ache! What a long journey that was!
Juliet
I wish you had my bones and I had your news! Come on, please, tell me. My dear, good nurse, speak.
Nurse
Jesus, such hurry! Can’t you wait awhile? Don’t you see that I’m out of breath?
Juliet
How can you be out of breath when you have enough breath to say to me “I’m out of breath”? The excuses you’re making for your delay are longer than the story you’re trying to put off! Is your news good or bad? Answer that. Say either of those, and I’ll wait for the detailed story. Let me know that, at least, is it good or bad?
Nurse
Well, you’ve made your choice, but you don’t know how to pick a man. Romeo. He’s not the one. Though he is better looking than anyone, and his legs are better than anyone’s. As for the rest of his body, although no one talks about that, it’s quite nice.
He’s not the model of courtesy, but I’m sure he’s as gentle as a lamb. Do as you wish, girl. Be good. Oh, have you eaten at home?
Juliet
No, not yet. But I knew all of that about Romeo before. What did he say about our marriage? What about that?
Nurse
Oh Lord, my head aches! What a headache I’ve got! It’s throbbing like it’ll break into twenty pieces. Oh, my back, too, on this other side, oh my back, my back! Curse your heart for sending me all over creation so I’d catch my death with all this running around!
Juliet
Truly, I’m sorry that you’re not well.
Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me what my love said!
Nurse
Your love says, like a man who’s honest, and courteous, and kind, and handsome, and I think probably virtuous — Where’s your mother?
Juliet
Where is my mother! Why, she’s inside, where else would she be? What bizarre replies you give! “Your love says, like an honest man, ‘where is your mother?’”!
Nurse
Oh Mother Mary! Are you really this riled up? Come on, calm down. Is this the treatment that my aching bones deserve?
You can deliver your messages yourself from now on!
Juliet
What a fuss! Come on, what did Romeo say?
Nurse
Do you have permission to go make confession today?
Juliet
I do.
Nurse
Then get yourself to Friar Laurence’s cell. There waits a husband ready to make you a wife. Ah, now that lively blush comes into your cheeks. You’ll turn scarlet at anything I tell you.
Get yourself to church, I have to go the other way to get a ladder that your love will use to climb into this bird’s nest at night. I’ve been worked like a drudge for your happiness, but soon you’ll bear the burden at night. Go on, I’ll go to dinner, you get over to the cell.
Juliet
I’ll hurry to the cell to meet by good fortune! Honest nurse, farewell!
