RALPH: Welcome back, everyone. I'm your host, Ralph Holinshed. And we're right at the start of—

SARAH: And I'm your co-host, Sarah Siddons. We are right at the start of the action—Act One, Scene One. 

RALPH: Yes, sorry, Sarah. As I was saying, this opening scene is packed with action and information, mainly to impress upon the audience the intensity of the conflict between the two families—the Montagues and the Capulets. 

SARAH: So intense, in fact, that one might argue against bringing them together in the same studio. 

RALPH: Sarah, please. It's going to be fine. We're all adults here. Isn't that right, gentlemen? 

TYBALT: Some of us are adults. Some of us not so much. 

ABRAHAM: What's that supposed to mean? 

TYBALT: Don't worry about it. The adults understand what I mean. 

RALPH: All right, all right. That's enough. Remember, we're here to talk about what's happening. That's why I've brought—why we've brought—members of both of the households—the Montagues and the Capulets—together in studio. Seated to my right are members of the Montague household. Welcome. 

MONTAGUES: Thank you. 

SARAH: Ralph, we should probably explain that when we say household, we mean a rather large estate, including not just the family members but the workers and the servants connected with the estate as well. 

RALPH: Good point, Sarah. So Abraham, and you sir, you work for the Montague household. 

ABRAHAM AND SERVINGMAN: That's right. 

RALPH: Doing? 

ABRAHAM: Whatever needs to be done. 

RALPH: I see. But you Benvolio, you're a member of the family. 

BENVOLIO: That's right. Montague is my uncle. 

RALPH: So then Romeo is your cousin. 

BENVOLIO: Yeah, basically. 

SARAH: And you, Sampson and Gregory, you work for Capulet? 

GREGORY: Absolutely. 

SAMPSON AND GREGORY: Loyal to the death. 

SARAH: And Tybalt, you are a Capulet, Juliet's cousin, in fact. 

TYBALT: That's right. 

RALPH: Very good. So now, let's get to the heart of the matter. As our audience has already learned, all of the members of each of your households are bitter enemies of all the members of the other household. So now, why is that exactly? 

[INTERPOSING VOICES] 

SARAH: Gentlemen, please. Ralph, I hate to interrupt your brilliant line of questioning, but perhaps we should get to the events themselves. 

RALPH: Well, OK, but if—

SARAH: So Gregory and Sampson, when we first see the two of you, you are on the streets of Verona. 

GREGORY: That's right. We're just out for a nice stroll. 

SARAH: But the conflict with the Montagues must be on your mind. 

GREGORY: Well, sure. I mean, you never know when you're going to run into them. 

SARAH: So you must be thinking about what you're going to do if that happens. 

SAMPSON: Oh, we'll take care of it. Don't worry. 

SARAH: Yes, well, Sampson you say, "I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montagues." What do you mean by that? 

SAMPSON: Yeah, well, you know on a sidewalk that the cleaner part is usually right near the wall because you've got the gutter over by the street? So if we run into some Montagues, we're going to be the man walking on the cleaner part, not them. 

GREGORY: But that means you're weak. You should let weak people like women and children and Montagues take the wall. 

SAMPSON: Okay, all right. Well if you put it that way, we'll push Montague's men into the gutter and we'll press his women up against the wall, if you know what I mean. 

GREGORY: Just leave the women out of this. This is between our masters and their men. 

SAMPSON: Whatever. After we've dealt with the men, I'll deal with the women. After I show the men how I feel, I'll want the women to feel me too, ain't that right, Sarah? 

SARAH: Excuse me? 

RALPH: And that's exactly when our two Montague serving men arrive on the scene—Abraham and this guy. 

GREGORY: That's right. So I spot them coming our way. 

SARAH: You let them bring knives into the studio. 

RALPH: Relax, Sarah. I've got this under control. Right, gentlemen? So, this is exactly what you were talking about. Here you are minding your own business when you run into some Montagues. What are you going to do? What's your plan? 

SAMPSON: I tell Gregory here to pick a fight and that I've got his back. 

GREGORY: You think you'll get behind me and run away. 

SAMPSON: Don't worry about me, okay? 

GREGORY: I worry. 

SARAH: So you plan to pick a fight, even though fighting between your families has been forbidden? 

SAMPSON: If we can get them to attack us, then the law is on our side. 

GREGORY: That's right. So I tell Sampson here that I'm going to sneer at them and see what happens. 

SAMPSON: Or I could just bite my thumb at them. 

SARAH: Bite your thumb? What does that mean? 

GREGORY: Well, you know, it's an Italian thing. It's like screw you or go to hell. You know, like that. 

RALPH: And you literally bite your thumb? 

SAMPSON: Yeah. Here, I'll show you. 

ABRAHAM: What the? Did you just bite your thumb at us? 

RALPH: Now, gentlemen, remember, you could get into big trouble if you start to fight. So let's just cool it. 

SAMPSON: If I say yes, is the law on our side? 

GREGORY: No. 

SAMPSON: Relax. I was just demonstrating. 

GREGORY: Why, are you trying to pick a fight? 

ABRAHAM: Pick a fight? No, not me. 

RALPH: Gentleman. Relax, I've got this. 

SAMPSON: Because if you are, I'm game. My master is as good as yours. 

ABRAHAM: Yeah, you certainly know better. 

SARAH: Okay, gentlemen, let's calm down. 

GREGORY: Say better. My master is better than yours. 

SAMPSON: Yeah, that's right. Our master is better than yours. 

ABRAHAM: You lie. 

BENVOLIO: Stop it. All right. Everyone, put your knives away. 

TYBALT: And yet, you draw your knife. 

SARAH: Oh my God, unbelievable. 

RALPH: Hey, guys, guys. 

TYBALT: You know what I've got here? Your death. 

BENVOLIO: Just trying to keep the peace. Calm down. Help me break this up. 

TYBALT: So you draw your knife and talk of peace? I hate that word. I hate Montagues. I hate you. 

[YELLING] 

[MUSIC PLAYING] 

RALPH: Hello, again. Apparently this conflict between the Montagues and the Capulets is more serious than we'd originally thought. So from here on out, we'll be trying a new approach and interviewing them in separate studios — a Montague studio and a Capulet studio. Sarah, are you there? 

SARAH: Yes, I'm here, Ralph. Although I'd like to point out that the idea of separate studios isn't entirely new and that a certain someone even suggested that very idea in our production meetings. 

RALPH: Yes, well, we can talk about that more later. But for now, let's get back to our story. So I'm sitting here in studio with Lord Montague himself and Montague's wife. Welcome. 

LADY MONTAGUE: Thank you. 

MONTAGUE: Glad to be here. 

RALPH: Sarah, are the Capulets with you? 

SARAH: Yes, they are, Ralph. Welcome to our show. 

CAPULET: Good to be here. 

LADY CAPULET: Thank you so much. 

SARAH: Now when we left off in our first interview attempt, some members of your household, the Capulets, were in the midst of a street fight with some Montagues. And that's when the two of you happened to arrive on the scene. 

CAPULET: That's right, and I immediately called my long sword, which, could we have somebody grab that for me? I think I left it in the greenroom. 

LADY CAPULET: Darling, a crutch would be more suitable to you at this point then I sword. Let's be honest. 

SARAH: You call for your sword because you'd like to join in the fight? 

CAPULET: Well, sure I do. Montague's there, the bastard, and he's drawn his sword. 

SARAH: Old Montague is there too. Is that right, Ralph? 

MONTAGUE: That's right, because Capulet's a villain. I'm going to kick his teeth in if he's got any left, that an old fool. 

LADY MONTAGUE: You'll do no such thing. Behave yourself. 

RALPH: Well, as it turns out, we never get to find out if Montague and Capulet will fight each other because the Prince of Verona and his men suddenly swoop in to break up the fight. 

SARAH: That's right, Ralph. And we are very fortunate to have the Prince of Verona join us via satellite. Are you there, Prince? 

PRINCE: Yes, Sarah. I'm here. 

SARAH: Thanks so much for taking the time. 

PRINCE: My pleasure. This is an important issue — the violence between the Montagues and the Capulets has to stop. I don't care what they think about each other. Hate each other for all you want, but I will not tolerate enemies of the peace. 

SARAH: So it's your job to keep order in Verona? 

PRINCE: That's right. And frankly, this feud is my biggest problem right now. They're like packs of wild dogs that attack each other on sight. They're beasts, not citizens. 

SARAH: Yes, you say, "You men, you beasts that quench the fire of your pernicious rage with purple fountains issuing from your veins." Beautifully said. 

PRINCE: Why, thank you. But it's true. It's as if their burning hate needs to be fed by spilling blood. It's beastly. 

SARAH: And this has been going on for a while. 

PRINCE: This is the third time. Three times they've started fights in the street and for no good reason—for a word, a breath. If only they had a real reason, some argument over a piece of land or some unpaid debt. Then we could find a way to work it out. But their hatred, it lives in their imagination. It's unreal. 

SARAH: That must make your job pretty tough. 

PRINCE: Well, there's only one way to deal with this now—an ultimatum. And let everyone who can hear my voice take note—from this point forward, if their feud disturbs our streets again, the lives of those responsible should pay the forfeit of that peace. 

SARAH: Their lives shall pay? You mean those involved will be put to death? 

PRINCE: That's right. They will be put to death. 

SARAH: Oh, dear. Are you serious? 

PRINCE: I'm very serious. Thank you for helping me get the word out, Sarah. Capulet, we have an appointment now, remember? 

CAPULET: Yes, sir. I'll be right there. 

PRINCE: I'll be seeing Montague later today. 

SARAH: Thanks so much for joining us, Your Highness. Ralph? 

RALPH: Thanks, Sarah. Benvolio has joined us in studio because it's at this point after the Prince and everyone has left that you, Montague, have some questions for your nephew. 

MONTAGUE: That's right. I mean what the—how did you let this happen, Benvolio? 

BENVOLIO: It wasn't my fault. They were fighting when I got there. I was just trying to keep the peace. Then Tybalt was such a hothead. Started taunting me, and it was all downhill from there. 

LADY MONTAGUE: Thank God Romeo wasn't involved. Have you seen him today? 

BENVOLIO: I did, actually. This morning I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk and I saw him walking in a grove of sycamore. 

RALPH: A grove of sycamore? Sycamore? Sick amour. I get it. That's very clever. 

BENVOLIO: Anyway, I headed towards him, and he took off and avoided me. So I let him go. 

RALPH: Yes, and why did you do that? Tell us what you say there? 

BENVOLIO: I'm measuring his affections by my own. That most are busied when they're most alone. Pursued my humor, not pursuing his. And gladly shunned who gladly fled from me. 

RALPH: Wonderfully said. So what do you mean by that? 

BENVOLIO: I don't know. He wanted to be alone, and frankly, so did I. 

RALPH: You say being one to many by your weary self. Just being by yourself is company enough. 

BENVOLIO: Yeah. I mean, that's why I took a walk in the first place. I'm sure he feels the same way. 

MONTAGUE: He's been doing that a lot lately. Taking long walks before the sun comes up, adding his own tears to the morning dew, adding even more clouds to the skies with his—

LADY MONTAGUE: And then when the sun is fully down, he comes home, locks himself in his room, closes the curtains as if it were night. 

MONTAGUE: Something bad is going to come of this unless we can remove the cause of it. 

BENVOLIO: Do you know what the cause is, uncle? 

MONTAGUE: I don't. He won't tell me. 

RALPH: How hard have you tried? 

MONTAGUE: Pretty hard. I've asked him about it and other people have too. He won't say a word, which really isn't like him. He's a very talkative kid once he gets started. Anyway, if he'd only tell us what's causing his misery, I'm sure we could get rid of it in that very instant. 

RALPH: Yes, and it's a nice line you have there. How does it go? 

MONTAGUE: "Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow? We would as willingly give cure as no." 

RALPH: That's nice. And just as you say that, Romeo shows up. 

BENVOLIO: If you like, I can speak with him. I'm sure I could figure out was bothering him. 

MONTAGUE: That's a good idea. My wife and I will go. He won't say anything with us around. 

RALPH: It is a good idea, Benvolio. But I'm afraid I ask the questions around here, which I'll do soon enough. Thank you all for your time.