RALPH: Mercutio, welcome back to the studio. It's the morning after the party. And you and Benvolio are still looking for Romeo. 

MERCUTIO: Yes. Benvolio heard from one of the servants of the Montagues that Romeo never returned. I'm sure that pale, hard-hearted wench Rosaline continues to torment him. 

RALPH: Could be. And Benvolio tells you that Tybalt has sent a letter to Romeo's house? 

MERCUTIO: That's right, probably challenging him to a duel. The guy's a fanatic. 

RALPH: And Benvolio thinks that Romeo will answer it. 

MERCUTIO: He can write. Of course he'll answer it. 

RALPH: Oh, sorry. Benvolio thinks that Romeo will answer the challenge and fight Tybalt. 

MERCUTIO: Romeo? The poor sap's already dead, stabbed with the white wench's black eye. 

RALPH: You mean Rosaline? 

MERCUTIO: Shot through the ear with a love song, the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow boy's butt shaft. 

RALPH: Ah, slain by Cupid, you mean. 

MERCUTIO: And you think Romeo's in any condition to fight with Tybalt? 

RALPH: Yes, so tell me more about that. Tybalt is a tough guy? 

MERCUTIO: Tough? He's the courageous captain of compliments. 

RALPH: You mean that he follows all the rules and ceremonies of dueling? 

MERCUTIO: Yeah, but it's so annoying. He fights the way that you would sing at a prissy recital, you know, keeping all the proper timing, distance, and proportion? Do you sing? 

RALPH: Well, yeah, sometimes, you know, in the shower. 

MERCUTIO: Exactly, the way one should sing. 

RALPH: I'm actually pretty good. 

MERCUTIO: But Tybalt has everything precisely measured. One, two, then bam, the third directly in your chest, the very butcher of a silk button? 

RALPH: Silk button? 

MERCUTIO: You know, the one you wear on your doublet. 

RALPH: I see, right in the heart. 

MERCUTIO: He's a duelist, Ralph. He's a duelist. He's mastered all the moves. But he's such a poser. He's so full of himself. And we're surrounded by them. You'd think they could all just learn to relax a little, you know? 

ROMEO: Well, maybe I'll get to see this Tybalt in action at some point. 

MERCUTIO: Be careful what you wish for, Ralph. Careful what you wish for.