RALPH: Welcome back. It's early in Act two and Romeo and his friends have just left the party at the Capulets. 

MERCUTIO: Act two? Why does he keep talking like that? 

BENVOLIO: I don't know. I just ignore it. 

RALPH: Sorry. I'll stop doing that. So you've managed to sneak into the Capulets' party without being noticed, a potentially dangerous situation. And now you've managed to slip away. 

BENVOLIO: Yeah, only we can't find Romeo. 

RALPH: Can't find Romeo? 

MERCUTIO: I told you he's smart. He's probably home in bed by now. 

BENVOLIO: And I told you I saw him run over to the orchard wall and jump over it. 

RALPH: That's why you want Mercutio to call for him? 

BENVOLIO: Exactly. 

MERCUTIO: Why call for him when I can make him appear before our very eyes. 

RALPH: Please tell us what you say there. 

MERCUTIO: Romeo! Humours, madman, passion, lover! Appear though in the likeness of a sigh. Speak but one rhyme and I am satisfied. Cry but "Aye me!" Pronounce but "love" and "dove". Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word, one nickname for her purblind son and heir. Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim when Cophetua loved the beggar maid. 

RALPH: It sounds like you're kind of making fun of him. 

MERCUTIO: Kind of? You're saying the guy. He's so love sick it's disgusting. 

RALPH: Wait, you couldn't know about—oh, no. Wait, you mean—oh, you mean, Rosaline. 

MERCUTIO: Of course. Who else? 

RALPH: Nothing. My mistake. 

MERCUTIO: No, come on. There's something you're not telling us. 

RALPH: No, nothing really. Besides we have a policy of noninterference. You know, like on Star Trek when the crew goes down to other planets—that's not helpful. You guys don't know what that is. 

BENVOLIO: No, no, no. I love those movies. 

MERCUTIO: Movies? You've seen the original TV series, right? 

RALPH: You guys know about Star Trek? 

BENVOLIO: Hey, I mean, Verona is not Rome, but it's a big town. We keep up. 

RALPH: OK, so, anyway, you're talking about his love for Rosaline, of course. 

MERCUTIO: Yes I can conjure him and Rosaline's name. 

RALPH: Please, continue. 

MERCUTIO: I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes, by her high forehead and her scarlet lip, by her fine foot, straight leg, and quivering thigh-- 

RALPH: OK, OK, I think we get the picture here. 

BENVOLIO: Yeah, and if he hears you, he's going to be pissed. 

MERCUTIO: No I'll tell you what would piss him off. If I were to raise up some other guy's spirit in front of Rosaline only just to have him stand there until she conjured it down again, that would surely make him mad. So I'll conjure only in Rosaline's name to raise Romeo. 

RALPH: All right, I think you've made your point here. 

MERCUTIO: It's only the truth and you know it, Ralph. This isn't about love. This is about hormones. 

RALPH: Well you certainly seem to think so, since you have a few more very graphic references to that effect, which we're going to skip over in the interest of time. So, you guys decide to head home. 

MERCUTIO: Well I'm not going to sleep out in the field. 

BENVOLIO: No sense in looking for somebody who doesn't want to be found. 

RALPH: Well, thanks for joining us. 

BENVOLIO: You want to stop for a burger or pizza or something? 

MERCUTIO: Pizza.