Taming of the Shrew

Curtis

I prithee, good Grumio, tell me how goes the world?

Grumio

A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine,     
and therefore, fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for
my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.

Curtis

There's fire ready, and therefore, good Grumio, the news.    

Grumio

Why, 'Jack, boy, ho boy!' and as much news as wilt thou.    

Curtis

Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?    

Grumio

She was, good Curtis, before this frost. But thou
knowest winter tames man, woman and beast; for it hath
tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and myself,
fellow Curtis.

Curtis

Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.    

Grumio

Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot,     
and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire,
[Petruchio’s home outside Verona. The weather is cold. Petruchio’s rascally servant Grumio has just arrived, having been sent ahead to ensure that everything is in order for the arrival of Petruchio and his new wife Katherina. It will help to appreciate the humor in this scene if you imagine that the actor playing Grumio is rather small, which was the case at Shakespeare’s Globe Theater.]

Grumio

Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all     
foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so    
rayed? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make     
a fire, and they are coming after to warm them. Now, were     
not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze
to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart
in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me. But    
I with blowing the fire shall warm myself, for, considering
the weather, a taller man than I will take cold. Holla, ho, Curtis!

Grumio (Petruchio’s servant)

Ay, sir, they be ready. The oats have eaten the horses.

Katherina

Nay, then, do what thou canst, I will not go today,
No, nor tomorrow, not till I please myself.
The door is open, sir, there lies your way;
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green.    
For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself.
'Tis like you'll prove a jolly, surly groom,    
That take it on you at the first so roundly.    

Petruchio

O Kate, content thee; prithee, be not angry.

Katherina

I will be angry. What hast thou to do?    
Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.    

Gremio (elderly suitor)

Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work!    

Katherina

Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner.
I see a woman may be made a fool
If she had not a spirit to resist.    

Petruchio

They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her.
Go to the feast, revel and domineer,    
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,    
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves;
But, for my bonny Kate, she must with me.    
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;    
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,    
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing;
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare.
I'll bring mine action on the proudest he    
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,    
Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves;
Rescue thy mistress if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch thee, Kate.
I'll buckler thee against a million.    
[Exit Petruchio, Katherina, and Grumio]

Baptista

Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

Gremio (elderly suitor)

Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.    

Tranio-as-Lucentio

Of all mad matches, never was the like.

Lucentio-as-Cambio

Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?

Bianca

That being mad herself, she's madly mated.    

Gremio

I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.    

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