RALPH: Welcome back to the show, sisters. Thanks so much for joining us. 

FIRST WITCH: Where have you been sister? 

RALPH: That's okay, I'll ask the questions. 

SECOND WITCH: Killing pigs. 

RALPH: And why would you want to do that, exactly? 

THIRD WITCH: Where have you been, sister? 

RALPH: That's just what I was wondering. Where have you been? 

FIRST WITCH: A sailor's wife was eating chestnuts. Munch, munch, munch. Can I have one, I said? And you know what the rump fed Runyan said? 

RALPH: Right, and what is that exactly? A rump fed Runyan? I can't seem to get good information about that. 

FIRST WITCH: She said get lost, witch. 

RALPH: I guess that's kind of rude, huh. 

FIRST WITCH: Her husband is sailing to distant lands. I'll go there too. In a sieve. 

RALPH: In a sieve? You mean the strainer thing with the holes in the bottom? How would you sail in that? 

FIRST WITCH: And like a rat without a tail, I'll do, I'll do, and I'll do. 

RALPH: Do, do what exactly? 

SECOND WITCH: I'll help you with a wind. 

FIRST WITCH: It's nice of you to offer. 

THIRD WITCH: I'll give you some wind, too. 

FIRST WITCH: But I have all of the wind that I need. From every port in every direction. I'll drain the life out of him. Never let him sleep. Like a man who was cursed, I'll keep him on the sea for 81 weeks. Slowly suck the life out of him. I might not be able to sink his ship, but the seas will always be rough. 

RALPH: And this is all because his wife wouldn't give you a chestnut, and she called you a witch? 

[HISS] 

RALPH: Oh, sorry. 

FIRST WITCH; Look what I have. 

RALPH: Ew. What is that? 

FIRST WITCH; Here I have a sailor's thumb. 

RALPH: It's somebody's thumb? 

FIRST WITCH: Wrecked as homeward he did come. 

RALPH: So, what would you want to do with that? 

SECOND WITCH: Body parts are very powerful. Unless they've been buried in a churchyard. 

THIRD WITCH: A drum. A drum. Macbeth doth come. 

RALPH: A drum? I didn't hear anything. But you're right, Macbeth and Banquo are about to run into you. 

WITCHES: The Weird Sisters hand in hand posters of the sea and land. Thus do go about, about, thrice to thine, and thrice to mine, and thrice again to make up nine. Peace. The charm's wound up. 

RALPH: Wow. And what do you mean by that? What charm? And what does winding it up do? Wait, did you just cast a spell? What's it supposed to do? Really? Nothing? You can't help us out just a little bit? All right, fine. Well. Macbeth and Banquo show up, and actually this is interesting. Banquo makes some comments about your appearance. He says that you look withered and wild. That's not how I'd describe you. 

THIRD WITCH: Not so withered. 

SECOND WITCH: Not so wild. 

RALPH: Well, maybe a little wild. But then Banquo says that he thinks you're women, except for that you have beards. But I don't see any beards. 

FIRST WITCH: You don't see any beards? 

RALPH: No. Wait, are you really able to change your appearance? Or do you just mess with people's heads so that they see you how you want them to see you? Come on. The whole point of these interviews is to help our audience out. What are you? 

FIRST WITCH: All hail, Macbeth. Hail to thee, Thane of Glamis. 

RALPH: Wait, what? No. I'm not Macbeth. You see that, right? 

SECOND WITCH: All hail Macbeth, hail to thee, Thane of Cawdor. 

RALPH: I just told you, I'm not Macbeth. But he is the Thane of Cawdor, that's right. And how do you know that? Has that already been announced? 

THIRD WITCH: All hail Macbeth, that shalt be King hereafter. 

RALPH: King hereafter? Oh, that's right. That's the big news. You seem to be predicting that he will be King someday. Is that right? And are you just predicting that, or are you going to make that happen, somehow? You guys are a tough interview. You're weird all right. Well, okay. Let's see. Oh, right. So according to Banquo, you seem to have shocked Macbeth with your Glamis, Cawdor, King bit. But since you seem to be predicting kingship for Macbeth, Banquo wants to know if you can see into his future, too. 

FIRST WITCH: Hail. 

SECOND WITCH: Hail. 

THIRD WITCH: Hail. 

FIRST WITCH: Lesser than Macbeth, and greater 

SECOND WITCH: Not so happy, yet much happier. 

THIRD WITCH: Thou shalt get kings, though thou be none. So all hail Macbeth, and Banquo. 

FIRST WITCH: Banquo and Macbeth, all hail. 

RALPH: Well, that was confusing. Lesser and greater. Not so happy yet much happier. But don't worry, I'm not going to ask. Macbeth on the other hand, he's got a lot of questions for you. And I just want to point out that this is the guy that just killed a whole bunch of people on the battlefield. So maybe you ought to think twice before you give him the silent treatment. So let's see, first he wants to know why you would call him the Thane of Cawdor, when the Thane of Cawdor is alive and well. Or at least he thinks so. He's just captured him in battle, so he doesn't think that's very likely to be true. Guess he's wrong about that. But this King business. That seems even less likely to him. Anyway, Macbeth demands to know how you're coming up with this crazy information, and why you're bothering them with weird prophecies. Gone again. Slideshow, now? Maybe? Yeah. Didn't think so. Yeah. Okay.