Lucentio

At last — long last — our discordant notes are in harmony. Now that the raging war is over, it’s time to smile at the perils we’ve escaped My fair Bianca, greet my father, while I greet yours with the same kindness. Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina, and you, Hortensio, with your loving widow, feast with the best of us, and welcome to my house. My food should finish the meal, after the great feast from earlier. Please, sit down; let’s sit and chat while we eat.

Petruchio

Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat.

Baptista

Padua always provides this kindness, Petruchio my son.

Petruchio

Padua provides nothing but what is kind.

Hortensio

For both our sakes, I wish that were true.

Petruchio

Now, I could swear Hortensio fears his widow.

Widow

Trust me — I’m not afraid of him.

Petruchio

You’re very sensible, but you miss my sense. What I meant was, Hortensio is afraid of you.

Widow

A dizzy person thinks it’s the world that’s spinning.

Petruchio

Well played.

Katherina

Mistress, what do you mean by that?

Widow

I’m talking about my conception of him.

Petruchio

Conception! By me? How do you like that, Hortensio?

Hortensio

No, my widow is talking about how she understood your comment.

Petruchio

Very smooth. Kiss him for that, good widow.

Katherina

A dizzy person thinks it’s the world that’s spinning. Please, tell me what you meant by that.

Widow

Your husband, who has to deal with a shrew, compares my husband’s sorrow to his own. Now you know my meaning.

Katherina

Yes, and it’s a very mean meaning.

Widow

Yes, it’s mean because I mean you.

Katherina

And I am mean indeed, when it comes to you.

Petruchio

Get her, Kate!

Hortensio

Get her, widow!

Petruchio

I bet a hundred marks that Kate will come out on top.

Hortensio

That’s more my job.

Petruchio

And how good you are at your job! Here’s to you, my boy!

Baptista

How do you like these quick-witted folks, Gremio?

Gremio

Believe me, sir, they butt heads well.

Bianca

Butting heads! Somebody quick-witted might say your head and butt were the head and horns of a cuckold.

Vincentio

Yes, mistress bride, has that finally woken you up?

Bianca

Yes, but not scared me. I’ll fall back asleep.

Petruchio

No you won’t, since you’ve started something. Look out for a better joke or two.

Bianca

Will you hunt me like a bird in a bush? Well I’ll take my bush with me. Then chase me as you draw your bow. Thank you for coming, everyone.

Petruchio

She stopped me. Here, Signor Tranio. You aimed at that bird, but you didn’t hit her. So here’s to all who shot and missed!

Tranio

Oh, sir, Lucentio has let me off the leash as if I were a greyhound, running for myself, and catching for my master.

Petruchio

A quick-witted simile, but more a little plain.

Tranio

You should try hunting for yourself, too, sir. It seems like your deer, Katherina, is holding you at bay.

Baptista

Oh, oh, Petruchio! Now Tranio’s got you!

Lucentio

Thank you for that jab, good Tranio.

Hortensio

Admit it, admit it! Didn’t he get you?

Petruchio

He has chafed me a little, I confess. And, as the joke bounced off me, odds are it hit you two outright.

Baptista

In all seriousness, Petruchio my son, I think you have the truest shrew of all.

Petruchio

Well I say no. So, to prove it, let’s all send for our wives. Whoever’s wife is most obedient, and comes first when he sends for her — he’ll win the bet we’ll make.

Hortensio

Fine. What’s the bet?

Lucentio

Twenty crowns.

Petruchio

Twenty crowns? I’d bet that much on my hawk or my hound, but twenty times that on my wife!

Lucentio

A hundred, then.

Hortensio

Fine.

Petruchio

That’s a bet! It’s done.

Hortensio

Who should go first?

Lucentio

I will. Go, Biondello, tell your mistress to come to me.

Biondello

I’m going.

Baptista

Lucentio

I won’t share; I’ll bet it all myself.

Hey, what did she say?

Biondello

Sir, my mistress sends you a message that she is busy, and cannot come.

Petruchio

What? She’s busy, and she cannot come? Is that an answer?

Gremio

Yes, and a kind one, too. Pray to God, Petruchio, that your wife doesn’t send you a worse one.

Petruchio

I hope for better.

Hortensio

Hey Biondello, go and beg my wife to come to me right away.

Petruchio

Oh, beg her! Then surely she’ll have to come.

Hortensio

I’m afraid, sir, that whatever you do, yours won’t be begged.

Now where’s my wife?

Biondello

She says you must be playing some prank. She won’t come — she tells you to come to her.

Petruchio

Worse and worse! She will not come! Oh vile, intolerable, not to be endured! Hey Grumio, go to your mistress; say I command her to come to me.

Hortensio

I know her answer.

Petruchio

What is it?

Hortensio

She won’t.

Petruchio

All the worse for me. That would be the end of it.

Baptista

Now, by all that’s holy, here comes Katherina!

Katherina

What is your will, sir, that you send for me?

Petruchio

Where is your sister, and Hortensio’s wife?

Katherina

They sit chatting by the fire in the parlor.

Petruchio

Go bring them here. If they won’t come, smack them for me, so that they’ll come out here. Go, I say, and bring them here right away.

Lucentio

Well that’s a miracle, if you want to talk about miracles.

Hortensio

It is. I wonder what it means.

Petruchio

It means peace, of course, and love, and a quiet life. And rightful control and respect. And, in short, everything that’s sweet and happy.

Baptista

Oh, bless you, good Petruchio. You’ve won the bet, and I’ll add to their losses twenty thousand crowns. Another dowry to another daughter. She’s like a different person!

Petruchio

No, I’ll win the bet even better, and show more proof of her obedience, her newly built virtue and obedience.

See how she comes and brings your stubborn wives, as prisoners to her womanly persuasion? Katherine, that hat of yours doesn’t look good on you. Take it off, and throw it on the ground.

Widow

Lord, let me never be brought so low as the behave in such a silly way.

Bianca

Tsk! What do you call this foolish duty?

Lucentio

I wish your duty were just as foolish! The wisdom of your duty, fair Bianca, has cost me a hundred crowns since supper.

Bianca

You’re all the more a fool for betting on my dutifulness.

Petruchio

Katherine, you must tell these headstrong women what duty they owe their lords and husbands.

Widow

Oh, come on, you’re mocking us. We’ll have none of this lecturing.

Petruchio

Come on, I say. And start with her.

Widow

She won’t.

Petruchio

I say she will. And start with her.

Katherina

Tsk, tsk! Un-knit your threatening, unkind brow, and don’t shoot scornful glances from your eyes to wound your lord, your king, your governor! It tarnishes your beauty, as when frost bites a meadow. It hurts your reputation, as when whirlwinds shake beautiful buds. In no way is it fitting or likeable. An angry woman is like a disturbed fountain: muddy, ugly, opaque, bereft of beauty. And while the fountain looks like that, nobody is dry or thirsty enough to stoop to sip from it or touch one drop. Your husband is your lord, your life, your protector, your head, your sovereign. He cares for you, and does everything to keep you comfortable. He subjects his body to difficult labor by sea and land. He keeps watch for storms at night, for cold in the day, while you lie warm at home, safe and free from worry. And all he wants in return is love, good looks, and true obedience. Too little payment for such a great debt! A woman owes her husband the same duty that a subject owes his prince. And when she is stubborn, obstinate, sullen, and sour, and not obedient to his honest will, she’s nothing but a foul, fighting rebel — a graceless traitor to her loving lord. I’m ashamed that women can be so simple-minded as to declare war when they should be surrendering for peace. Or that they want control, supremacy and sway, when they are bound to serve, love and obey. Why would our bodies be soft and weak and smooth — unsuited to toil and trouble in the world — unless our soft characters and our hearts should match our external parts? Come, come, you stubborn and powerless worms! My mind used to be as arrogant as yours, my heart as great, my reason perhaps even more. I used to exchange word for word, and frown for frown. But now I see our swords are only straws, our strength is weak, our weakness beyond compare so that we seem to be most what we are not. So lower your pride — there’s nothing you can do. Place your hands below your husband’s foot, This duty my hand is ready to do, if he wants me to.

Petruchio

That’s my girl! Come on, kiss me, Kate.

Lucentio

Well done, old man, you’ve won.

Vincentio

It’s good to hear children being so obedient.

Lucentio

But hard to hear when women are headstrong.

Petruchio

Come, Kate, let’s go to bed. All three of us are married, but you two lost. [To Lucentio] I won the wager, though you got the best prize. As winner, I say goodnight!

Hortensio

Now get out of here. You’ve tamed a terrible shrew.

Lucentio

If you don’t mind me saying, it’s a miracle that she could be so tame!