Ralph: Welcome back, everyone. And welcome back Petruchio and Kate. The last we heard from the two of you, you were about to head out for a visit to Kate's father. But then you, Petruchio, called off the trip at the last minute. But, now, here you are headed to the horses to get going again. I'm afraid our audience missed how you decided to start the trip again. What happened exactly? 

Petruchio: Sorry, Ralph, I hate to interrupt. Have you talked to your audience about the moon in here? It's really bright and beautiful. 

Ralph: Uh, those are the studio lights, actually. 

Kate: Did you say the moon? What are you talking about? It's clearly sunlight. It's not moonlight now. It's the sun. 

Petruchio: I say it is the moon. 

Kate: Oh, well. 

Petruchio: A really, big, bright moon. 

Kate: And I know it is the sun, a really bright sun. Come on, Ralph, back me up here. 

Ralph: Oh, well, it's true that usually we shoot the show during the day. 

Petruchio: Listen to me, both of you, I swear on my mother's son, which is me, it shall be moon, or star, or whatever I say it is, or we're never going to your father's house. That's it. We're not going. Ralph, could you please go get the horses, take them back to their stalls again? Gosh, she's constantly contradicting me. She's nothing but contradiction, contradiction, contradiction. 

Kate: Shut up. 

Petruchio: Ralph, the horses aren't going to take themselves. 

Ralph: Oh, I'd like to make it very clear to the audience that the noninterference policy is in full effect. And then I have my own conflicting feelings about what's happening here. But it's my responsibility to tell you, Kate, that it's at this point that Hortensio gives you some advice. And I quote, "Say as he says or we shall never go." 

Petruchio: Hmm. 

Kate: Fine. Let's go. We've come this far anyway. I don't care if it's the moon or the sun or whatever he says it is, call it a candle if you want. And I promise it will be that way for me. 

Petruchio: I say it is the moon. 

Kate: I know it is the moon. 

Petruchio: What? He's such a liar, Kate. It's the sun over there. Ridiculous. 

Kate: Then, god be blessed. It is the blessed sun. And it is not the sun when you say it isn't the sun and the moon changes even as your mind. But whatever, you name something, that is what it will be for Katherine. 

Ralph: Wow. Well, as Hortensio says, Petruchio, it looks like you've finally won the battle. 

Petruchio: Oh, thank you so much, Ralph. Ah. It feels good honestly. We should get going though. You see how the game is played, don't you? You have to know the course. And you have to know which hazards to avoid, when to lay up, when to hit the flop shot. 

Ralph: Oh, good. This is the part I've been most looking forward to talking about. You see, it's interesting to me that you made this reference to playing a game. I mean you're clearly trying to get Kate to be more agreeable to the things that you say. But by calling it a game, it almost sounds like the whole thing is kind of a game that's getting played. And by whole thing, I mean the whole thing-- being a gentleman, being a gentle woman, being a servant, being a master, being a husband, being a wife, being an interviewer, even. It's like they're all roles. Roles that can be put on and put off. Well, it's like what you were saying, Kate, about the sun and the moon. To a certain degree, reality is just what we say it is. It's the names that we use. I mean, I guess with the actual sun and the moon maybe that's different. But definitely, in the social world, well, names make all the difference. Like, you know, when people put on a play for an example, they create up a whole new world just through language by giving things like giving people new names. So I realize it probably sounds like I'm reading a whole lot into what you basically just said in passing, Petruchio, but I'd really like to know if that's how you think about these things. 

Petruchio: Well, it's funny you should-- oh, sorry, Rafe, looks like we have a little bit of company. 

Vincentio: Ah, I'm so sorry I'm late. This whole thing kind of caught me by surprise. 

Ralph: I'm sorry. What's all this about? 

Vincentio: Well, I was told to come in here, something about a TV show, Merchants of Venice. I was told you wanted to profile me and my career. 

Ralph: Oh. 

Petruchio: Welcome to the show, miss. Tell me, sweet Kate, and tell me truly, too, have you ever seen a more beautiful, radiant young lady? Have you? It's like the red and the white in her cheeks are having a battle for which is the most beautiful. Oh, let me ask you a science question. Are there stars in the sky more beautiful than those two eyes in that face? No. Fair lovely maid, once more, good day to you. Kate, welcome this woman for being so beautiful. 

Kate: Young, budding virgin, fair and fresh and sweet, where are you headed? Where are you from? Your parents must be so, so proud of you and not to mention the man who's lucky enough to share his bed with you. Uh? 

Petruchio: Kate, have you lost your mind? 

Kate: Oh. 

Petruchio: I'm so, so sorry. This is a man. 

Kate: Oh. 

Petruchio: Good lord. Old, wrinkled, faded, still very, very attractive, but withered. Come on, definitely not a young lady. So, I don't know why you would say such a zany thing like that. 

Kate: Oh, I'm so sorry, old man. I think my eyes have been a little blinded by the sun so that everything I see is just seems so new and young. But now I see that you are very respectable elder, a reverend father. Please forgive me for my mad mistaking. 

Petruchio: So, where are you going, you know, after the show's over? You should travel with us. 

Vincentio: Well, fair sir and merry mistress who had me a little worried there for a minute, my name's Vincentio. I'm from Pisa I was on my way to Padua to visit my son when I was asked to come in here to be interviewed. 

Ralph: I would actually love to talk to you about your career as a wealthy Italian merchant. You know, I have tons of questions about that. And he said Merchants of Venice, that's like a great name. Is it OK if we stop for a minute and ask him a few questions? 

Petruchio: What is your son's name? 

Vincentio: Lucentio. His name's Lucentio. 

Petruchio: No way. This is amazing. You sir, are my father. I mean, well, not directly my father. I'm not Lucentio. But, we're related. I swear. This is my wife. Her sister's just married your son. 

Vincentio: My son got married? 

Petruchio: Oh, oh, yeah. But don't worry. She's a beautiful, beautiful young woman with a giant dowry. Trust me. And she also happens to be a pretty nice person. Any man would be very lucky to have her. This is crazy. We really do need to get going, don't you think so? I mean come on, come on, let's go. 

Vincentio: But wait, wait, wait. Is this really true or are you guys just playing a joke on me again? 

Ralph: I can vouch for this. Your son is married to this woman's sister. 

Petruchio: I'm sorry. Our little joke has made you suspicious. We're quite trustworthy people. Come along with us to Padua. You'll see that we're telling the truth. Can we go, Ralph? 

Ralph: Uh, sure. Although, I think we do have a few minutes for me to Vincentio some questions about his career. 

Vincentio: I think I'd better go, Ralph. You know, if it's really true that my son just got married. 

Ralph: Sure. 

Vincentio: But, I'd be happy to come back any time in the future to be interviewed. 

Ralph: Great. We'll make sure that happens. Thanks for joining us everyone.