Ralph: Welcome back to the show, everyone. As our audience just learned, these two gentlemen were on their way to see you, Signor Baptista, when, fortunately for us, you happened by with Bianca's tutor, Cambio. Welcome. 

Baptista: Hello, Ralph. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Signor Baptista, this is the gentleman I told you about. I pray you stand, good father, for me now and promise Bianca my inheritance so I can marry her. 

Merchant as Vincentio: Slow down, son. Kids. Sir, by your leave, having come to Padua to gather in some money that's owed to me, my son, Lucentio, made me acquainted with a weighty cause of love between your daughter and himself and she for him. And he wants my support as quickly as possible. So I am happy, as any father would be, to have them so matched. And if you feel the same as I, upon some agreements, me shall you find ready and willing and, above all, unanimous in our choice that they should be so bestowed, because I don't want to be nit picky with you, Signor Baptista, of whom I've heard so many good things. 

Baptista: Sir, please pardon me for what I have to say. Your straight talk and your brevity please me well. Right true it is, your son, Lucentio, here does love my daughter, and she loves him. Oh, both of them are putting on one hell of a show. 

All: [LAUGHTER] 

Baptista: And therefore, if you say no more than this, that like the father I think you are, you will deal with him and ensure my daughter gets enough money should Lucentio die before you do, the match is made and all is done. Your son shall have my daughter with consent. 

Ralph: Wow. Well, you saw it here first, folks. Lucentio and Bianca are officially engaged to be married. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Ah, well, we still need to make it official, Ralph. 

Ralph: Oh, sorry. Oh, that's right. As you put it, you still need to be affied. I'm assuming that that's what that word means. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Right. You know, affied. 

Ralph: Like fianced or affianced. We would say engaged. And you're saying there needs to be some kind of engagement ceremony. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Right. So the question is, where? 

Baptista: Well, it can't be at my place, Lucentio. The pitchers have ears. 

Ralph: I'm sorry. The pitchers have ears? 

Tranio as Lucentio: Well, you know, how a pitcher has a handle. 

Ralph: I think I get it. Oh. But it's not the pitchers' ears you're worried about. It's the people carrying the pitchers. 

Baptista: Ah, and I have many servants. Besides, old Gremio is always lurking about, hoping for some news, and so there's a chance we would get interrupted if we were at my place. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Then I guess we'll go to my place. My father is staying with me anyway. We can finalize the deal in private. And you can send your servant here to get your daughter. I'll have my boy fetch the notary for signing the documents. 

Ralph: Wow. A notary, signing documents-- getting affied is serious stuff. Sounds like a corporate merger. Hmm. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Oh, there will be a little party, too, Ralph. I'm just sorry I won't have much to offer since this is so last minute. 

Baptista: Oh, sounds like a plan. Cambio, go back to my place and tell Bianca to get herself ready straight away. And tell her what has happened here-- Lucentio's father is arrived from Padua and how she's likely to be Lucentio's wife. 

Tranio as Lucentio: Then I guess we'll all get going. You can follow me, Baptista. We won't eat very well at my place, I'm afraid. But we will make up for it someday in Pisa. 

Ralph: Well, thanks for stopping by, gentlemen. Oh, and Cambio, if you could swing by and see Sofia on your way to get Bianca. 

Baptista: You're going to slow everything down, Ralph. We were all just getting into a groove here. 

Ralph: It'll just take a second. She just has a couple of questions-- you know, to keep our audience up to speed. 

Baptista: I don't know why they're interested in the first place. It's just a simple marriage deal. 

Ralph: Oh, I think they're going to want to know what happens next. Thanks for joining us, everyone.