Sofia: Welcome back, everybody. And welcome to the show, gentlemen. 

Lucentio as Cambio: Thanks, Sofia. But if I may, I know your audience must really appreciate these interviews. But we have lives to lead. I really need to get to Baptista's house to let Bianca know that she's going to be married to Lucentio. 

Sofia: And by Lucentio, you mean-- 

Lucentio: Of course. 

Sofia: I know. I'm sorry. But the pace has really been picking up. And this must be a very exciting development for you. I promise this will only take a minute. And just to remind our viewers, this other gentleman here is Biondello. 

Biondello: Did she just call me a gentleman? 

Sofia: Oh, right. You're a servant in Lucentio's household. It's also my understanding that Tranio, also a servant in Lucentio's household, has been pretending to be you, Lucentio, while you court Bianca disguised as a schoolmaster. Am I getting this right? 

Lucentio: That's correct. 

Sofia: And now Tranio has found a traveling merchant to pretend to be your father, Vincentio. Which finally brings me back to you, Biondello, because he first wants to know if you can go along with the plan of pretending that the merchant is Vincentio. 

Biondello: They don't have to worry about me. 

Sofia: Well, then he asks you if you've done the errand with Baptista. 

Biondello: Oh, yes. I told him that-- that his father was in Venice, but will be in Padua today. 

Sofia: I'm sorry. You said his father. Do you mean Lucentio's father? You were talking to Tranio. Never mind. 

Biondello: He gave me money to buy a drink. 

Sofia: Well, and that's when Baptista suddenly showed up. The trick apparently worked. And the fake Vincentio was able to assure Baptista that Bianca would get all of his money and property if Lucentio died before his father did, which is when you were sent off to let Bianca know that she was to be married to Lucentio. 

Lucentio: Perfect. So can I get going now? 

Biondello: Cambio. 

Lucentio: What? 

Biondello: Did you see how my master was winking and giggling at you? 

Lucentio: Your master? 

Sofia: He must mean Tranio. 

Lucentio: What about it? 

Biondello: I think he wants me to expound on the meanings of those signs and signals-- you know, tell you the moral of the story. 

Sofia: Yeah, you're a schoolmaster. Surely you're interested in what all of this means. 

Lucentio: Fine. What's the moral of the story? 

Baptista: That Baptista is safe even though he's talking to the fake father of a fake son. 

Sofia: There does seem to be a lot of deception going on here. 

Lucentio: And therefore? 

Baptista: You're supposed to bring his daughter to the supper. 

Lucentio: That's what I'm trying to do. 

Baptista: And the old priest at St. Luke's is available to you 24/7. 

Lucentio: And so what is the meaning of all of this, Biondello? 

Baptista: I have no idea. I just know they're busy drawing up fake contracts. And so you should be sure of her cum privilegio ad imprimendum solum. 

Sofia: I'm sorry. You're going to have to help me with that one, Latin teacher. 

Lucentio: Just some legalese he must have heard. He wants to make sure that Bianca has exclusive printing rights. 

Sofia: Exclusive printing rights? Oh. 

Baptista: You should get to the church. Grab the priest and the clerk and some honest witnesses. If this be not that you look for, I have no more to say, but bid Bianca farewell forever and a day. 

Lucentio: Biondello, what are you talking about? 

Sofia: I think I understood that one, actually. It sounds like he's saying, if you don't really long to be married, it's better to say goodbye to Bianca forever. 

Biondello: I can't keep wasting time here. I knew this girl who went to the garden to get some parsley to stuff a rabbit. And bam, she ended up married that afternoon. And so may you, sir. And so adieu, sir. My master has ordered me to go to St. Luke's and tell the preacher to be there by the time you arrive with your appendix. 

Sofia: With your appendix? 

Lucentio: I think he means my fiancee. 

Sofia: And did he say get some parsley to stuff a rabbit? 

Lucentio: That's what I heard. I should go get Bianca. She's going to be excited, right? 

Sofia: Probably. 

Lucentio: Hap what hap may. 

Sofia: Whatever happens. 

 

Lucentio: I'll just go in there like I know what I'm doing. It shall go hard if Cambio go without her. 

Sofia: You know you're Lucentio, right? 

Lucentio: Yeah, yeah, totally, yeah. 

Sofia: Well, good luck with Bianca. And thank you for joining us, everyone.