Sofia: Hello, everybody. We have a chance to catch up with the newly-married couple. And well, from the looks of them, I think we should get right to it. I imagine you two would like to get cleaned up pretty soon, but welcome back to the show. We really appreciate you taking the time. So our audience knows that you've just arrived from your long, difficult journey from Padua, where the wedding took place, to your household, Petruchio. Though, I suppose we should call it your household too, Mistress Kate, now that you two are married. But I have it on good authority that, kind of like the trip itself, things here at the house haven't been going well so far. 

Petruchio: Well, that is one hell of an understatement, Sofia. Where was everybody when we arrived? Nobody at the door to hold my stirrup or take my horse. Then they finally come scurrying up-- here, sir! Here, sir! Here, sir. Logger-headed, unpolished grooms. No regard for authority. No sense of duty. And where was that foolish knave that I'd sent ahead to get things ready? Where was he? 

Sofia: You mean Grumio? Oh, he greeted you-- eventually. "As foolish as I was before," he said. 

Petruchio: The peasant swain. 

Sofia: I'm sorry. Swain? 

Petruchio: Whoreson! Malt-horse drudge. [GROWL] 

Sofia: I'm sorry. You're going to have to slow down if you want our audience to keep up. Now, what was that one? Whoreson? Oh, right. I guess we can figure that one out. You know what? You can look up those other ones at home. You're pretty mad, huh? 

Petruchio: Ha ha ha. I told him to meet me in the park on the way to the house and bring all my rascal knaves with him. 

Sofia: Yeah, well, from what I heard, they still had a lot of troubleshooting to do. I mean, Grumio had a lot to do. Gabriel's pumps weren't pinked yet, which is a way to make shoes a little fancier, I hear-- kind of like what you would do with a Bedazzler. Oh, do you guys have Bedazzlers where you are? 

Petruchio: No. 

Sofia: And Peter's hat wasn't properly decorated. And Walter's dagger didn't have a sheath. Grumio said only a few of the servants were looking sharp. The rest were, as he put it, "ragged, old, and beggarly." But, as Grumio pointed out, they did come to greet you eventually. And then-- well, let's see. You asked them to get you some supper. I imagine you two must have been pretty hungry from the trip. So-- yeah, you were acting a little strange, Petruchio. I think everyone around you was having a little trouble reading your mood. I mean, I can see that for myself. You're a little tense, impatient. But you were also breaking out into song every once in a while. 

Petruchio: (SINGING) Where is the life that late I led? Hmm, hmm, hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm. (SPEAKING) It's a good tune. 

Sofia: Yeah, isn't that song about a guy who's thinking about the life he had before he was married? 

Petruchio: And then, oh! The servants kept interrupting our moments of peace and quiet by bringing the food in. 

Sofia: But didn't you ask them to bring you supper? 

Petruchio: Well, they shouldn't bring it in until I say to bring it. You shouldn't-- and you need to cheer up, Kate. 

Sofia: Yeah, how are you doing, Kate? 

Kate: [FALSE CHUCKLE] 

Sofia: We haven't heard anything from you yet. 

Petruchio: Oh, and then my boots were-- why did it take them so long to take off my boots? The villains. It was, like, an hour. It was-- it was-- [HUFFING]. (SINGING) It was the friar of orders grey, as forth he walked on his way. (SPEAKING) Ahh! And then-- oh, ho-ho-ho! That one rogue, twisting my foot the wrong way to -- 

Sofia: Yeah, it says here that you kicked him. 

Petruchio: It was a shove, OK? It was a little shove to make sure he would pay more attention the next time. Would you lighten up, Kate? 

Sofia: Yes. Let's get back to you, Kate, if we could. 

Petruchio: Oh, right. Oh, right, right, right. And then that's when the thing with the water happened. 

Sofia: Right. I wasn't necessarily going to bring that up. You requested a water basin so you two could wash up for dinner. 

Petruchio: And then, the whoreson villain, he just dropped it. 

Kate: You need to be more patient, please. He didn't do it on purpose. 

Petruchio: Ohh. The whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-eared knave. 

Kate: You all are just going to have to look those up at home. 

Petruchio: But I could tell Kate was getting a little hungry. And the food was in front of us-- what was it? Was it mutton, Soph? 

Sofia: That's right. It was mutton. 

Petruchio: It was burnt is what it was. And all of it, I told them to take it away. How dare they bring me burnt meat when they know that I don't eat burnt meat? They're heedless jolt heads and unmannered slaves, all of them. I should fire every single one of them. You know, I need to teach them a lesson. I do need to teach them a lesson, and soon. 

Kate: Please, husband, you shouldn't let yourself get so worked up. The meat was fine, if you had been willing to try it. 

Petruchio: I'm telling you, Kate-- 

Kate: Ahem. 

Petruchio: --wife, the meat was burnt and dried away. And I'm not supposed to eat that kind of food. 

Sofia: Not supposed to eat it? What do you mean not supposed to? 

Petruchio: Well, you know, hot and dry food engenders choler. 

Sofia: Engenders choler? 

Petruchio: It causes anger. 

Sofia: Oh, yeah. That's the whole theory of the humors thing you guys have-- that food and certain spices and temperature are all connected to certain moods. I totally believe it, by the way. I have one of those, like, lavender diffuser things that you just put in your bedroom at night-- calms me down. I'm not sure what burnt meat and anger, though-- 

Petruchio: Well, I am pretty sure about it, Sof. It's science. And it would be better if we just fasted completely. We're just already angry people by nature, right? So we shouldn't feed that anger with over-roasted flesh, right? 

Sofia: Well, hold on now. That's pretty interesting that you say you're both pretty angry people by nature. You two are really similar, aren't you? 

Petruchio: Well, I know that we can keep each other company while we're fasting. Hmm, we'll eat something more appropriate tomorrow. Come. I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber. 

Sofia: I didn't see that coming. Guess I should have prepared better. We're not following them into the bridal chamber, are we? Because if we are, Ralph has to take that interview. I don't want to hear about it. It's none of our business, right? Well, let's see. He takes her to the bridal chamber. And then a couple of servants-- Nathaniel and Peter-- have a little exchange. Nathaniel asks, "Did you ever see anything like it?" which is interesting, because I think he means that Petruchio is behaving unusually. Oh, and then Peter says, "He kills her in her own humor." Kills her in her own humor-- sounds like Peter's theory is that Petruchio is deliberately acting angry-- the humor of choler-- as a way of dealing with, or killing, the anger and shrewishness that's in Kate. You know, it makes you think, from this medical theory point of view-- you know, the theory of the humors-- this play could be called "The Curing of a Shrew" as easily as "The Taming of the Shrew." Dee-dee-dee. Oh, and then Curtis comes in with a report from the bridal chamber-- her bedroom, basically-- and tells Grumio that their master is "in her chamber making a sermon of continency to her"-- so basically lecturing her about self-control-- "and rails and swears and rates"-- as in berates or scolds her-- "that she, poor soul, knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak and sits as one new risen from a dream. Away, away, for he is come hither." Oh! 

Petruchio: Thus have I politically begun my reign. And 'tis my hope to end successfully. 

Sofia: Politically? 

Petruchio: You know, with the skill and ability of one who is in command. 

Sofia: Oh, right. And here comes your big speech. Do you mind if I have a moment with the audience? I'll just take a second. 

Petruchio: Yeah, go ahead. 

Sofia: This camera, right? Hi, everybody. We're pretty far along in this story, but this stuff he's about to say is pretty important. You'll see in a second that he's going to talk a lot about taming his new wife, using language that comes from taming falcons or hawks, which is something people did in Shakespeare's day. Some wealthy people would own falcons that they used for hunting. So instead of having to somehow kill the birds or the rabbits that you're hunting, you could have a hawk do it. And it was said that the best hawk for hunting was a wild female hawk, called a haggard, that was successfully tamed by the owner. So the best hunting hawks start wild and become tame. Of course, taming a full-grown wild animal is never easy. And the most important strategy for taming a hawk was getting the hawk to rely on their owner for food. Got it? That's a quick setup. Now let's hear what Petruchio has to say. OK, Petruchio. Sorry to hold you up like that, but now we're ready. Go nice and slow. We want to keep up with what you're saying. 

Petruchio: Thus I have politically begun my reign. 

Sofia: You're starting the process of being in charge. And you're doing the things that you think are necessary to get there. 

Petruchio: And 'tis my hope to end successfully. 

Sofia: I think we got that one. 

Petruchio: My falcon now is sharp and passing empty. 

Sofia: OK. Here comes the falcon business, and your falcon is Kate. And to say that your falcon is sharp and passing empty means that she's hungry, and there's nothing in her stomach. 

Petruchio: Until she stoop, she must not be full gorged, for then she never looks upon her lure. 

Sofia: Because the hawk won't pay attention to the prey and stoop or dive to kill it. It's not had any food to eat. The hawk is only going to pay attention to the bait or prey. She's hungry. 

Petruchio: Another way I have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call-- 

Sofia: See, there's that word "haggard"-- the wild female hawk. And you're saying that you have a second strategy for the hawk to be tamed, to come to him when she hears his call. 

Petruchio: That is, to watch her as we watch these kites that bait and beat and will not be obedient. 

Sofia: The second strategy is to keep her awake, which is exactly what one does with disobedient hawks. 

Petruchio: She ate no meat today, nor none shall eat. Last night she slept not, nor tonight she shall not. 

Sofia: Well, we saw what happened with the burnt mutton, so we know she hasn't eaten. And that's right-- come to think of it, I suppose that's why you left before the wedding feast-- to keep her from eating then, too. But how are you going to manage to keep her from sleeping? 

Petruchio: As with the meat, some undeserved fault I'll find about the making of the bed. 

Sofia: You're going to pretend that there's something wrong with the bed. 

Petruchio: Here, I'll fling the pillow; there, the bolster; this way, the coverlet; another way, the sheets. (CHUCKLING) Aye, and amid all this hurly, I intend that all is done in reverent care of her. 

Sofia: So you're going to keep her from sleeping by complaining constantly about the bed, but you're going to make it sound like you're doing it out of concern for her. 

Petruchio: And in conclusion, she shall watch all night. 

Sofia: And by watch he means stay awake. 

Petruchio: And if she chance to nod, I'll rail and brawl and, with the clamor, keep her still awake. 

Sofia: And you'll make a whole lot of noise, too, if you have to. 

Petruchio: This is a way to kill a wife with kindness. 

Sofia: Kill a wife with kindness? Oh, I see. I think you're being ironic. Sounds to me like you want to cure your wife of being a shrew by being one yourself. 

Petruchio: Thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humor. He that knows better how to tame a shrew, now let him speak. 'Tis charity to show. 

Sofia: Yeah. So they can't really talk back to us directly. But-- 

Petruchio: Huh? 

Sofia: You know, that little speech of yours and this plan to tame Kate like you would a falcon and this stuff about being in command of the house-- I'm sure we're going to get plenty of calls and letters about that. And you know what? We should. But in the end, you're just a fictional character after all. And this stuff, we should be talking about. So let's turn it over to them. What do you think about Petruchio's speech, about his goal, about his strategy, about their relationship? What do you think Kate's feeling? What do you think of Kate? Is there something she needs to change? Can Petruchio help? Should he? We'll let you take it from here. 

Petruchio: Um, Sof? 

Sofia: Yes? 

Petruchio: Now that they're talking about me, could I ask you something? 

Sofia: Sure. 

Petruchio: It's just that thing you said, when you called me "a fictional character?" 

Sofia: Oh. Don't even-- 

Petruchio: I mean-- 

Sofia: --don't even think about that. It's nothing. 

Petruchio: --it directly affects my being, so-- 

Sofia: Out to camera two. Thank you for joining us.