Ralph: Welcome back, everyone. You may remember that Kate and Petruchio left Padua immediately after their wedding, which was a bit confusing for pretty much everybody involved. No wedding feast, no celebration. Petruchio fended off his new family and his friends to hit the road with his new wife. To find out more how they've been doing, we've come to Petruchio's household in Verona. Although we seem to be a little bit early, as the newlyweds haven't arrived yet. I'm surprised we were able to get here first, actually. So far, only Grumio has arrived. I'm sure you'll all remember Petruchio's servant, Grumio. At least, I think it's Grumio. 

Grumio: To hell with it! 

Ralph: I'm sorry? 

Grumio: To hell with all tired jades. 

 

Ralph: Oh, I guess I need to check my notes already. Yep, jade-- a broken down or exhausted horse. Huh, that must be related to our word jaded. But you don't have to tell me about that horse, we've heard all about it. 

Grumio: To hell with all mad masters too. 

Ralph: Mad masters? You mean your own master, Petruchio? Actually, if I could ask you a few questions about him, you know, before he gets here. Of all the people we interview, I imagine you know him the best. I bet you could help us figure him out. 

Grumio: To hell, I say, with all rough roads. 

Ralph: Rough trip, huh? There's a little bit of traffic but the roads seem fine. 

Grumio: Have you ever seen a man so beaten? 

Ralph: You are a little bit of a mess. 

Grumio: Have you ever seen a man so weary? 

Ralph: You know, I get this feeling that your questions are kind of rhetorical and you don't really want me to answer them. But I immediately thought of Macbeth. Ever heard of him? He went days and days without a wink of sleep. But let's talk about you. You're here alone. Do you have some time to talk before Petruchio and Kate get here? 

Grumio: I have been sent ahead to start a fire so they can warm themselves when they get here. 

Ralph: It is pretty cold out. 

Grumio: And if I weren't quick to get hot myself, my lips would probably freeze to my teeth. 

Ralph: Well, we wouldn't want that. 

Grumio: My tongue to the roof of my mouth. 

Ralph: Which would make this interview hard to do. 

Grumio: My heart would drop into my belly like a piece of ice. But if I get cold I can just blow on the coals. Do you have a lighter I could borrow? 

Ralph: Oh, uh, I don't carry a lighter and we can't have a fire in the studio, it might set off the sprinklers. 

Grumio: Curtis! 

Ralph: Curtis? Oh, there's a lot of servants here at the Petruchio household, and Curtis is one of them. And yep, Curtis hears you call him and he replies, "Who is it that calls so coldly?" 

Grumio: A piece of ice. 

Ralph: Now, why would he say that, calls so coldly? 

Grumio: If he doesn't believe that I'm a piece of ice, tell him he can go sledding from my shoulders down to my heel, and he can only use my head and neck to get a running start. Start a fire, good Curtis! 

Ralph: So Curtis asked if the master and his wife are coming. So I guess the whole household knows they're married. 

Grumio: Well, of course they're coming. That's what the fire's for. 

Ralph: He also asks if she's as hot a shrew as people say she is. 

 

Grumio: She was. 

Ralph: She was? Has she changed so much already? 

Grumio: She was a hot shrew before this cold trip. You know how winter tames man, woman, and beast. 

Ralph: I never thought about that but I see what you mean. Being cold can, well, take the heat out of things. Hard to be hot under the collar if you're busy trying to keep warm. You know, I have a note here that says you all have a saying, "Winter in wedlock tame both man and beast." You only mentioned winter, but I guess we're going to find out about the wedlock part. 

Grumio: Does Curtis have the fire ready yet, because my master and mistress are almost frozen to death. 

Ralph: Let's see, hmm. 

Grumio: He'll get cold comfort if he is slow in his hot office. 

Ralph: Yep, Curtis has started the fire and now he's dying for you to tell him something about how your master and the new mistress are doing. 

Grumio: And the cook? Is supper ready? The house trimmed? The rushes strewn about the floor, the cobwebs swept? The serving men in their new shirts, white stockings! 

Ralph: Yes, he says everything is ready so please could he have some news about the master and mistress? I would love to hear how they're doing too. I think we all would. 

Grumio: My master and mistress have had a falling out. 

Ralph: Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that. How did it happen? 

Grumio: What do you mean? I just said it. They've fallen out of their saddles. 

Ralph: I thought you said a falling out. Never mind. 

Grumio: Fell out of their saddles and into the dirt, and thereby hangs a tale. 

Ralph: OK. Well, let's hear your tale. 

Grumio: In the beginning, we rode down a muddy hill, my master riding right behind my mistress. 

Ralph: You mean they were both on the same horse? 

Grumio: What difference does it make? 

Ralph: Well, it's the difference of a horse. Either they were on two horses, or just one. 

Grumio: Fine, you can tell the story. 

Ralph: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm just trying to get a clear picture for our audience. 

Grumio: [HUMMING SARCASTICALLY] If you hadn't cut me off, you would have heard how her horse fell and she got stuck under her horse. You would have heard how wet and muddy it was, and how she was covered in muck. How he left her there with the horse upon her. 

Ralph: Oh dear. 

Grumio: Oh, he beat me because her horse stumbled. 

Ralph: I'm sorry. 

Grumio: How she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me. 

Ralph: That was nice of her. 

Grumio: How he swore. 

Ralph: I've heard he does that. 

Grumio: How she prayed-- though she's never prayed before. 

Ralph: Well that's interesting, she doesn't usually pray but now she does. 

Grumio: [CRYING] How I cried! 

Ralph: Oh, Grumio, I'm sorry to hear this. This must have been very difficult for you. Do you-- 

Grumio: [CRYING] [BLOWS NOSE] 

Ralph: So does this kind of thing happen a lot with Petruchio? You see, we don't really know him very well. We've only seen him in Padua, and that all went by pretty fast. Because, well, here's the big question, does the stuff you're telling us now give us a good picture of what Petruchio is like, or is he behaving in some unusual way because it's part of some weird strategy to change Kate's behavior? 

Grumio: And I would've told you how the horses ran away. 

Ralph: You mean if I hadn't cut you off? 

Grumio: And how her bridle was burst. 

Ralph: Her bridle? You don't mean Kate? 

Grumio: And I lost my favorite cropper. 

Ralph: Must have been a special cropper. A cropper is just a leather strap that comes out from the back of the saddle, it goes around the horse's tail. 

Grumio: So many things worth remembering that will now die in oblivion-- all of you going to your graves without knowing any of them. 

Ralph: Boy, am I sorry I cut you off. But it sounds like what you're saying is he's acting more like a shrew than she is. From what you've said, he sounds really mean and ill-tempered. 

Grumio: [CHUCKLES] You'll find out when he gets here. [GASPS] When he gets here! Ah! Ah! Ah, ah, ah, is everybody ready? Nathaniel? Joseph? Nicholas? Philip? Walter? Sugar sop! 

Ralph: Hey, I know about sops. Sugar sops, that's cute. 

Grumio: Their hair should be combed back, coats brushed, garters on. They should be sure to curtsy with their left legs, and they don't bother to deal with the horses until they've kissed their hands. 

Ralph: This is all sounding very formal. Is that typical around here? 

Grumio: Could you just tell me if they're ready? 

Ralph: Uh, yes, Curtis says they are. 

Grumio: I should have them all lined up. 

Ralph: That's right, Curtis calls for everyone to come forward to give their new mistress the credit she deserves. 

Grumio: Credit? For her? What, does he think our mistress comes to borrow from us? 

Ralph: No, I don't think that's what he meant. I think-- 

Grumio: Ridiculous! Our mistress comes to borrow from us. 

Ralph: Well, all the servants start turning up. They seem happy to see you. 

Grumio: My spruce companions. 

Ralph: That's right, you call them spruce companions, which means they look sharp. We use that word in our expression, "all spruced up." 

Grumio: Well, they'd better be. Is everything ready? 

Ralph: Well, that's what they're reporting. You know, I have to say, when you told that story before about the trip here, you seemed terribly distraught, like you just wanted out of this whole situation. But now you seem sincerely excited to greet your master and the new mistress of the house. 

So now that everything's ready and we've got some time to kill, I'm wondering if you could tell us a little more about your relationship with Petruchio. What's he like as a master? And how unusual is his behavior now compared to how he usually is? We'd love to hear your thoughts. 

Grumio: People aren't usually asking me what I think. 

Ralph: Well, we'd really like to know. Please, go ahead. 

Grumio: Cock's passion! 

Ralph: Excuse me? It sounds like you said cock's passion. 

Grumio: Silence! 

Ralph: What the-- oh, it's another way of saying God's passion. 

Grumio: Watch your mouth! 

Ralph: Oh right, I should have known better. It was considered rude to say the name of the guy upstairs, so they would say cock, you know, like the rooster, instead of God. It was a way of swearing without taking the Lord's name in vain. 

Grumio: Cock's passion! Would you shut your mouth? I think I hear my master coming. 

Ralph: Yep, they're here all right. And that means we're out of time. So much for hearing Grumio's side of the story. Check out Sofia's interview with Petruchio and Kate to find out what happens next. Thanks for joining us, Grumio.