Sofia: Welcome back, everybody. As you may remember, we're at the point in our story where Petruchio has convinced Signor Baptista to let him court his oldest daughter, Katherine, and has been left, waiting to talk to her, for the first time, which I think he's excited about. I am, too, actually. I'm looking forward to meeting her. 

Petruchio: She's going to be here soon, right, Sofia? 

Sofia: Don't worry. She's on her way. But since we have you for a minute, I'm wondering if you could let our audience know how you plan to approach this conversation. You've been a little hard to figure out. If I can be honest for a second, it seemed at the start that all you really cared about in a wife was how much money she would bring with her. And that's why all this talk of her shrewish behavior didn't matter to you if she was rich enough. But in this last conversation, when we heard how she treated her music teacher, you said, and I quote here, "I love her 10 times more than e'er I did. Oh, how I long to have some chat with her." It kind of makes me wonder if you're somehow attracted to her from the very first time you heard her described. What's going on in that head of yours, Petruchio? 

Petruchio: Here's what I'm thinking. Say that she rail, why, then, I'll tell her plain she sings as sweetly as a nightingale. 

Sofia: I'm sorry. 

Petruchio: Say that she rail-- 

Sofia: Oh, you mean, when she gets here, if she starts to complain a lot. 

Petruchio: Why then, I'll tell her plain she sings as sweetly as a nightingale. 

Sofia: So you're just going to tell her the opposite of what she's doing. So, if she starts complaining, you're going to tell her she sounds as sweet as a bird? I think she's going to see right through that strategy. 

Petruchio: Let's say that she frown, I'll say she looks as clear as morning roses newly washed with dew, 

Sofia: Yeah, OK, I get the idea. But I was asking you more about where you're coming from with all of this. Like, what are your motivations? What's going on in here? 

Petruchio: If she be mute and will not speak a word, then I'll commend her volubility and say she uttereth piercing eloquence. 

Sofia: Right. Volubility, if you folks at home don't know that one, is a kind of fluency with words, you could say, an easiness with talking and an eloquence in the ability to use words really well. So volubility and piercing eloquence are kind of the opposite of being mute. I think we see the pattern here. Whatever she's doing, you're going to give her the opposite kind of compliment. 

Petruchio: If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks as though she bid me stay by her a week. 

Sofia: Oh, there's just no stopping your examples, is there. My question is, why do you think this strategy will work? I would find it a little annoying, personally. 

Petruchio: If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day when I shall ask the banns and when be married. 

Sofia: Uh, well now, hold on a second. That one's a little different. It sounded like you just said that you're going to want to marry her even more if she refuses to marry you. I'll crave the day when I shall ask the banns. The banns are the public notices that announce a wedding to the rest of the community. So that one is not so much about contradicting her, it's about how she makes you feel. Is that what you're saying? 

Petruchio: Eh. Oh, but here she comes. Now, Petruchio, speak. 

Kate: So my dad told me to come here and meet somebody or something. 

Sofia: Yes, you're in the right place. Have a seat. 

Kate: This is not going to take long, is it? 

Sofia: Hard to say. We should start with introductions, though. 

Petruchio: Good morrow, Kate, for that's your name, I hear. 

Kate: Um, you've heard well for someone who's hard of hearing. But they call me Katherine that do talk of me. 

Sofia: Hey, there she goes again, pretty funny. Did you get it? She said, you heard well because you knew her name. But that you're hard of hearing because you didn't use her full name. You called her Kate instead of Katherine. That's pretty clever. 

Petruchio: Yeah, I got it. But you lie, in faith, for you are called plain Kate, and bonny Kate. 

Sofia: Ah, bonny Kate. Bonny is a word you guys use for beautiful. Just trying to keep our audience in the loop, beautiful Kate. 

Petruchio: And sometimes Kate the curst. 

Sofia: I've heard that one myself. 

Petruchio: But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom, Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate. For dainties are all Kates. You got that one, right? 

Sofia: For dainties are all Kates? 

Petruchio: No problem, you know, uh, Kates, like, um-- oh, you know, often a toasted piece of bread or maybe some fruit wrapped around some cheese. 

Sofia: Oh, like hors d'oeuvres. 

Petruchio: Yes, exactly. We call those little Kates, little dainty foods. 

Sofia: Super-dainty Kate, very cute. 

Petruchio: Thank you. And therefore, Kate, take this of me, Kate of my consolation, hearing thy mildness praised in every town, thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded, yet, not so deeply as to thee belongs, myself am moved to woo the for my wife. 

Kate: Is this guy for real? 

Sofia: I've been trying to figure that out, myself. 

Kate: Moved to woo me, did you say? Well, let him that moved you hither, remove you hence. 

Sofia: Ooh, this is kind of fun. But Kate, if I may, you said, "him who moved you hither." Do you think someone put him up to this? 

Kate: Well I could tell as soon as I saw him that he was a movable. 

Petruchio: A movable. What's a movable? 

Sofia: Oh, I got this one. I made a note about it. Yep, and I think she's making a play on words, again. 

Kate: Mm-hmm. 

Sofia: Yeah, so a moveable could mean unreliable, which is one of the things she wants to call you. But it can also mean a piece of furniture, you know, like that kind you can move around. 

Petruchio: She thinks I'm a piece of furniture. 

Kate: A movable piece, like one of those little stools you have to put together. 

Petruchio: That's right, I'm a stool. So come sit on me. 

Kate: Asses are made to bear. And so are you. 

Petruchio: Women are made to bear. Did you get that one? 

Sofia: Oh, you mean like bear children. 

Petruchio: Exactly, and so are you. 

Kate: Oh, if you're talking about us having children, it doesn't look like you're up for the job. 

Sofia: Oh. 

Petruchio: Oh, well, I wouldn't want to put my burden on you, for knowing you to be but young and light. 

Kate: Too light for such a swain as you to catch, and yet, as heavy as my weight should be. 

Sofia: I'm sorry, it's going to be hard for me to keep up with you two. And yet, as heavy as my weight should be. 

Petruchio: Should be. Should buzz. 

Sofia: Uh oh, you mean buzz like a bee? But is that supposed to be funny? 

Kate: Well he's pretty predictable, like a buzzard. 

Sofia: Buzzard, like the bird? Or do you just mean anything that buzzes? 

Petruchio: Oh slow-winged turtle-dove, shall a buzzard take thee? 

Sofia: OK, there. So I think you mean the bird called a buzzard. Shall a buzzard take the turtle-dove? 

Kate: Sure, a buzzard can make the mistake of taking a turtle-dove, just as a turtle-dove can make the mistake of taking a buzzard. 

Petruchio: Ooh. 

Sofia: OK, I see. I think, now you turned it around by making the buzzard a bug again, one that makes a buzz. 

Petruchio: Come, come, you wasp. Faith, you are too angry. 

Sofia: Oh, I got a note on this one. Yeah, you all have this saying that women are wasps if angered. So we're definitely going with insects, now, no more birds. And you're suggesting that she's like an angry wasp. Sorry, I know this is slowing things down a bit. But it's my job to help our audience keep up. 

Kate: If I be waspish, you had better beware of my sting. 

Petruchio: I could just pluck it out of you. 

Kate: If you could find it where it lies. 

Petruchio: Everybody knows where a wasp wears his stinger, in his tail. 

Kate: No, in his tongue. 

Sofia: There's definitely a bit of sting in your tongue. 

Petruchio: Whose tongue? 

Kate: Yours, with all your tall tales. Look, Sophie, I gotta get out of here. 

Petruchio: Oh, well, with my tongue in your tail, oof, nay. 

Kate: Please remember that this is a family show. 

Petruchio: Oh, all right. Let's start over again. Good Kate, I am a gentleman. 

Kate: Ha ha. Let's see if that's true. 

Petruchio: Oh, I swear, I'll cuff you if you strike again. 

Kate: Well, that's a good way to see if you have any arms. Because if you are a gentleman, he wouldn't strike me. 

Sofia: Oh, I get it. Because only gentlemen can carry arms or weapons. So if he hits you, he's not a gentleman because gentlemen don't hit ladies. Which I'm very glad to hear about, by the way. And so, then, he wouldn't have arms, because only gentlemen have arms. So that's how he would lose his arms if he hit you. You're just kind of relentless with this wordplay, aren't you? 

Petruchio: A harold, Kate. Oh, oh, oh, put me in thy books. 

Sofia: And you, too. I mean, you're practically twins. Look, I happen to know that this goes on for a while, pun after pun, constantly trying to outdo the other one. And, you know, from the outside, it's hard to know how it's really going. You know, the wooing part. 

Kate: That's fine, Sofia. So let's just skip to the end, you know, the part where he's finally sick and tired of me, and it's time for me to go. 

Sofia: Well, now, is that what's going on with you? You just expect people to not like you if they're around you long enough? 

Petruchio: That time's not going to come, Kate. I find you to be an incredibly noble, dignified person. People told me you were rough and disdainful, sullen. What a bunch of liars. I think you're pleasant, full of spirit, playful even, even courteous. 

Sofia: Don't push it. 

Petruchio: Now I'll admit you're a little slow with words, but you're as sweet as springtime flowers. You don't know how to frown or even give someone a bad look, or bite your lip as some angry women will. And when you entertain your wooers, oh, you speak gently and with a light sense of humor. Hey, Soph, did you know that people say she walks with a limp. What is that? I know, they're crazy. They really can't see what's actually going on. You're straight and slender as the hazel twig and as brown in hue as hazelnuts and sweeter than the kernels, huh? Come on, Kate, let me see thee walk. We'll prove everybody wrong. 

Kate: Get out of here, you fool. And go find your servants if you want to order somebody around. 

Petruchio: Did the goddess of the moon ever look so beautiful in her meadow as you look in this well lit television studio? I think not. So why don't you be her and let her be you. And then let the old you, which is her, be chaste, and the new you, which is you, be sportful. 

Kate: Oh, my goodness. How do you come up with all this stuff? 

Petruchio: It just falls into me from my mother wit. 

Kate: A witty mother, maybe. But I'm not so sure about her son. 

Petruchio: Oh, am I not clever and wise? 

Kate: Just clever enough to warm yourself if it gets cold outside. 

Petruchio: Ooh, that's what I mean to do Katherine, in your bed. 

Sofia: Oh. 

Petruchio: So, let's put all of this chitty-chat aside, and here's the situation. Your father has consented that you shall be my wife. Your dowry, agreed on. And, whether you want it or not, I'm going to marry you. Now, Kate, you know I am a husband for your turn. For by this light, whereby I see your beauty, and beauty which makes me like you as much as I do, you must be married to no man but myself. 

Sofia: Excuse me. I'm so sorry to interrupt, but it's right about now that your father comes to check in on you. He should be here any second. 

Petruchio: I was born into this world to tame you, Kate, to bring you from being a wild Kate to a conformable Kate, as other household Kates. Here comes your father. Don't deny me. I must and will have Katherine to my wife. Hello. 

Sofia: What brings you here? 

Baptista: I just wanted to ask Signor Petruchio here how it's going with my daughter. 

Sofia: And maybe ask your daughter how it's going with her, for a change. 

Petruchio: How could it be going anything but well? 

Baptista: You don't look happy, my daughter. Something wrong? 

Kate: You have the nerve to call me your daughter. Would a good father want his daughter to marry a half-lunatic and a madcap ruffian. 

Sofia: Mad-cap ruffian. 

Kate: A swearing jack. 

Sofia: Slow down a second. Swearing Jack? 

Kate: A man who thinks that all he has to do is promise to marry me and it's a done deal. 

Petruchio: Look, father, here's what's happening. You and everybody else that have talked of her, you're just plain wrong. When she acts curst, it's all just part of the plan. She's not actually a difficult person. She's as modest as a dove, right? She's not violent. She's as calm as the morning. Sofia, back me up here. 

Sofia: Um. 

Petruchio: Well, she's as patient as grizzle, as chaste as the Roman Lucrece. Sofia, help a brother out. 

Sofia: I don't even know who those people are. But I probably have a note about it somewhere. 

Petruchio: It doesn't matter. The point is we got along together so well that upon this Sunday will be our wedding day. 

Kate: I'll see thee hanged on Sunday, first. 

Petruchio: No. 

Sofia: Uh-oh, that's when Gremio and Lucentio point out that Kate doesn't seem to be saying what you're saying, Petruchio. 

Baptista: Where are those guys? 

Petruchio: I don't care what those two think. If she and I are happy, what difference does it make to them? Look, she and I made a deal when we were alone that she'll continue to act curst around other people. You wouldn't believe how much she loves me. She's the kindest Kate. Oh, she was hanging about my neck. 

Kate: Oh, my god. 

Petruchio: Oh, my goodness. And then kisses came so fast like they were trying to outdo each other. And so, in a twink, she want me to her love. 

Sofia: Really? Is that what you think happened? 

Petruchio: You're all such beginners. If only you could see how even a cowardly wretch contain the most difficult shrew when a man and a woman are alone together. Give me your hand, Kate. I'm going to Venice to buy the wedding clothes. You prepare the party, Father. Invite the guests. And I'm going to make sure my Katherine will be beautifully dressed. 

Baptista: I don't know what to say but God send you both joy, Petruchio, tis a match. 

Kate: Wait. What, just like that? That's all he had to say? No follow up questions? 

Petruchio: Father and wife, Sofia, adieu. And everybody watching, so long, for now. 

Sofia: You're going? 

Petruchio: Well I'm off to Venice. Sunday will be here before you know it. We have to have rings, and things, and fancy clothes. 

Sofia: But why Venice? 

Baptista: There's some very nice stuff in Venice. 

Baptista: Oh, my god, have you been? 

Sofia: Oh. 

Petruchio: Well, kiss me, Kate. 

Kate: [GRUNT] 

Petruchio: Well, we will be married on Sunday. 

Sofia: We'd love to have you stick around, maybe, for a few questions. 

[GRUNT] 

[CHUCKLE] 

Sofia: Well, that went fast. Has a marriage ever been thrown together that quickly? And don't you want to know more about your daughter's feelings about this? Nothing's more important than getting her love? Remember that? 

Baptista: Well I must admit I feel a little like a businessman that's just got caught up in a very risky deal. 

Sofia: So you're hoping it will work out for the best. But you're willing to take a risk in the process. Well, if this is a risky deal, what's the most you hope to gain? 

Baptista: A quiet match, Sofia. 

Sofia: A quiet marriage between these two. 

Baptista: Like I said, it's a risky deal. But the gain I seek is quiet in the match. 

Sofia: That would be something, I'll admit. I'm just not sure why you think it could turn out that way. Oh, I'm sorry. Sounds like Ralph is with Gremio and Lucentio, who are asking questions about Bianca, again. 

Baptista: Oh, those two. Talk about being a businessman, here comes some more negotiation. 

Sofia: Oh, so we're already moving on to the financial negotiations when it comes to wooing Bianca. 

Baptista: That's right. But they're with Ralph. Does that mean I have to run over there? 

Sofia: Well, yes, actually, if you don't mind. 

Baptista: Suppose not. If I have to. 

Sofia: Thanks. Let's just say goodbye, first. Thanks for joining us.