Sofia: Welcome back, everybody. And thank you for taking the time to join me, gentlemen. I know our audience is anxious for an update about your efforts to court Bianca Minola, even though her father plans to keep her in the house and not to allow any visitors. At least not until his oldest daughter Katharina gets married first. 

Hortensio: Except Tutors, Sofia. Remember that. 

Sofia: I'm sorry. Tutors? 

Hortensio: Don't forget that detail. Baptista thinks his daughter should continue her music and poetry studies while she's waiting for her sister to get married off. 

Gremio: That's exactly right, Hortensio, and that's why I've asked my young colleague here to join us. 

Sofia: I was just about to ask. 

Gremio: I'd like to announce on your show, Sofia, that out of my respect for Signor Baptista and my love for his daughter, the fair Bianca, I've found a very capable tutor to help her with her studies. 

Sofia: Oh. So you are a tutor? Welcome to the show. 

Lucentio: It's a pleasure to be here. 

Sofia: Well, that's really nice of you, Signor Gremio. Baptista won't let you anywhere near his daughter, and here you are, helping him out by providing a tutor for her studies. 

Gremio: It's the least I can do, Sofia. No reason to be bitter. Just trying to be helpful. 

Sofia: So even though you'll be spending your time thinking about marriage, she'll get to focus her thoughts on, well, music and math. 

Gremio: Yes. Well, would you pardon us for just a second, if you don't mind? 

Sofia: Oh. Not at all. Go ahead. 

Lucentio: Here's a receipt for the books, by the way. 

Gremio: Just talk amongst yourselves. This won't take a sec. 

Sofia: Oh, good idea. 

Gremio: All right. This looks very good. Now I want to have the books very attractively bound, and they're all books about love, right? No math or philosophy. I don't want you lecturing her about anything but love. You understand me. And Signor Baptista is going to pay you a great deal, but I plan to give you a good tip too. 

Sofia: Uh-uh, for real? 

Hortensio: Of course, girl. 

Gremio: Now I want you to take some writing paper as well and make sure it's very well perfumed, for she is sweet as perfume itself. What are you going to read to her exactly? 

Lucentio: Whatever I read to her, I will plead your case for you as strongly as you would if you were there yourself, even better probably, since you're not a scholar. 

Gremio: Oh, yes. Oh. This learning stuff, what a thing it is. 

Hortensio: Excuse me, Gremio. 

Gremio: Yes? 

Hortensio: You two obviously have things to talk about, so maybe we should wrap this up? 

Gremio: Sure. But can you believe it, Hortensio? I promised Baptista to look into finding a schoolmaster for Bianca. And by a stroke of good fortune, I happened to find this young man, who I think is just what she's looking for. Well-read in poetry and whatever else is found in books. 

Hortensio: Oh, well, that's great, but I may as well make an announcement to everyone else that I've met a gentleman who's going to introduce me to a music teacher who can instruct our mistress. So I won't be behind you, Gremio, in my duty to fair Bianca, since I love her so much. 

Sofia: Oh my goodness. So you found her tutor too? 

Hortensio: That's right. To instruct her in music. 

Gremio: I love her too, Hortensio. Very much. And my deeds will prove it. 

Hortensio: Oh, look, Gremio, there's no need for us to get into an argument about who loves her more. Besides, I have some news that benefits us both. 

Sofia: I was just going to get to that. Go ahead. 

Hortensio: I just now happen to meet a gentleman who, if we're willing to pay him a fee, is willing to woo cursed Katherine, and even marry her if a dowry is big enough. 

Sofia: If her dowry is big enough? Remind me what a dowry is again. 

Lucentio: Allow me. It's the money and property a wife brings to her husband when they get married, which is promised by the father in advance. It's an old Anglo-Norman word, I believe. 

Gremio: This guy's good. 

Sofia: Wait. So you're saying that a wealthy man basically pays someone to marry his daughter? 

Gremio: Well, that's a rather crass way to put it, Sofia. It's all just part of the process of making a good match-- an important part, but just a part. 

Hortensio: And this guy says he'll marry Katharina if the dowry is big enough. 

Gremio: Well, let's hope what he says is what he does. 

Sofia: Hold on a second. Does it matter at all what Katharina thinks of this guy? 

Hortensio: Well, sure. That's where the wooing comes in. Baptista will want him to court his daughter, of course. 

Sofia: But you just said he'd be doing it for the money.

Gremio: I don't know why you'd be worried about what she'll think of him. Have you told this gentleman about all of her faults? 

Sofia: All right. I have some information about that. Yep. He says, I know she is an irksome brawling scold. But then he says, if that's the only problem with her, he doesn't see the harm in that. 

Gremio: Wow. He said that? 

Sofia: An irksome brawling scold. What's a scold? 

Lucentio: What? You two know what a scold is. 

Gremio: You're the scholar. Go ahead, smarty pants. 

Lucentio: Scold is someone-- well, usually a woman, but pretty much always a woman-- who is just full of abusive language, has a sharp tongue, you know. Constantly chiding people, giving you a hard time. 

Sofia: Oh, like scolding someone. A scold is someone who scolds people a lot. 

Lucentio: Exactly. 

Sofia: And it's always a woman, huh? 

Lucentio: Yeah. Right, guys? Yeah. Pretty much. Always a woman. 

Gremio: Can't think of one who wasn't. 

Hortensio: That's been my experience, yes. 

Sofia: Huh. Now, is it just that men never get angry and scolding or is it that somehow it's only a problem if a woman behave that way? Have you ever asked yourselves why it might be that a woman would resort to that kind of behavior? Why a woman would get to the point where she would lash out at the world that way? Have you ever asked yourself that? 

Gremio: No. Can't say I have. 

Hortensio: I'm not sure I understand the question. 

Sofia: I mean, do you think anybody has it as a goal in life to be that way? To be a scold? 

Gremio: Sofia, this is a very interesting line of questioning. But I'm wondering if we could get back to the question at hand. I mean, this scold business is not really even a concern if we found somebody who is willing to marry her anyway. 

Sofia: Fine. But when we're done here, I ask that you gentlemen really think about my question. 

Gremio: Yeah. So this gentleman who says he would have no trouble marrying this irksome scold, as he put it, where's he from? 

Sofia: Oh. Yes. Let's see. He says he from Verona, old Antonio's son. Sounds like his father's dead, so he's trying to build his own future now. 

Gremio: Well, such a life with such a wife is a strange future. But if he has the stomach for it, I say good luck to him. Is he really willing to woo her? 

Sofia: That's what it sounds like. Says he's not afraid of a little noise. Says he's already survived the sound of roaring lions and ocean storms and the noises of war. So what's to worry about a woman's tongue? Says it can't be half as bad as a chestnut popping in a farmer's fire. Says he's not afraid at all. 

Gremio: My goodness. This is good news indeed, for him and for you, Hortensio. 

Hortensio: Yes, well, I told him that the two of us would split up his wooing expenses. 

Sofia: That's funny. I don't remember you two talking about that. 

Gremio: Oh, it's fine. I don't mind paying half, but only if he wins her. 

Sofia: Boy. You guys really watch every dime, don't you? 

Hortensio: Watch every dime? 

Sofia: Yeah. You know, watch very carefully where all your money goes. 

Tranio: Excuse me, gentlemen. I hope I'm not interrupting. 

Sofia: Oh, well who do we have here? 

Tranio: I was wondering if anyone could tell me the fastest way to get to Signor Baptista Minola's house. 

Sofia: You mean the one with the two daughters? 

Tranio: That's right. 

Gremio: Pardon me, sir. It's not Baptista's daughter you're looking for? 

Tranio: Maybe I'm looking for a Baptista, maybe I'm looking for his daughter. What's that to you? 

Sofia: And I assume you don't mean the daughter that chides, as they like to say around here. 

Tranio: No. I have zero interest in chiding women. I think I best get going. 

Hortensio: Just a quick question before you go. 

Tranio: Very well. 

Hortensio: Just tell us, are you a suitor to Baptista's daughter or not? 

Tranio: So what if I were? Is there something wrong with that? 

Gremio: Oh, nothing wrong with it, as long as you shut up and go away. 

Tranio: I'm sorry? Am I not allowed to move around these streets as freely as you are? 

Gremio: You may be free, sir, but she is not. 

Tranio: Why not? 

Gremio: Because she's the chosen love of Signor Gremio. 

Hortensio: What he means to say is that she is the chosen love of Signor Hortensio. 

Gremio: Gremio. 

Hortensio: Hortensio. 

Gremio: Gremio. 

Hortensio: Hortensio. 

Tranio: Gentlemen, look. Baptista is a noble gentleman and he and my father have met before. So even if his daughter weren't as fair as she is, there's nothing wrong with her having one more suitor. And that suitor is me. Helen of Troy had 1,000 suitors, so what's one more for fair Bianca? Lucentio shall be one of her suitors, even if Paris himself were to come and try and win her for himself. 

Gremio: My goodness. This guy will out-talk us all. 

Lucentio: You should let him try, sir. He won't last. 

Sofia: But does all of this even matter? 

Hortensio: Good point, Sofia. You know he has two daughters, right? 

Tranio: I do know that, and one is as famous for her scolding tongue as the other is for beauteous modesty. 

Sofia: Right. Well, the one you're after, the youngest one, her father isn't letting any suitors get close until her older sister gets married. That's what Gremio here meant by the younger one not being free. But lucky for you all, we just learned that there's somebody who's willing to marry the older one. 

Tranio: Well, if that's so, I guess we're all dependent on him. And if he can manage to marry the older one and free the younger one for us to woo, I will be grateful to him indeed. 

Hortensio: Gratitude. How honorable. But it's also going to cost you. 

Sofia: I think these two are going to pay the other guy for his efforts. 

Tranio: Very well. I can help with that. And since we're all in the same boat, why don't we go and get some drinks? Make toasts to fair Bianca's health and talk through the details. It's like being adversaries in a court of law. We can compete against each other when it comes to wooing, but we can eat and drink as friends. 

Hortensio: Excellent idea. I agree. Sofia, you should come along with us. 

Sofia: Oh me, no thanks. You all should run along. I think I need to recover from this conversation. Let's just, everybody, look out to the camera.