RALPH: Welcome, gentlemen. It's the middle of the night. And you, Cassius, have come knocking at Brutus's door with a group of men in tow. 

CASSIUS: That's right. Good morning, Brutus. I hope we did not wake you. 

BRUTUS: No, not at all. I've been awake all night. Who is this that you bring with you? Do I know them? 

CASSIUS: You know them all well, and they all think very highly of you, Brutus. In fact, they wish that you had as high opinion of yourself as every noble Roman has of you. There is Trebonius, Decius Brutus, Casca, Cinna, and Metellus Cimber. 

BRUTUS: They're all welcome. So what's keeping you all up at night? 

RALPH: Oh, come on. I thought we were starting to trust each other, and it's not like I don't know what you're talking about. 

BRUTUS: Well, let's all join hands. Come on, Ralph. 

RALPH: No, no thanks. Sorry—noninterference policy. I can't. But all the men in the group agree to join hands. 

CASSIUS: Good. Let us swear our resolution. 

BRUTUS: But not an oath. If not our suffering and the dangers of these times, if these aren't reason enough, then every man should go back to his bed, let a tyrant rule and kill us as he pleases. 

CASSIUS: What need we any spur but our own cause to prick us to redress? Only priests swear oaths, or cowards, or crafty and cautious men, people who doubt what they're about to do. 

BRUTUS: We don't need an oath. We're Romans. If we can't do what we say we're going to do, then we weren't Romans in the first place. 

RALPH: Wow, well, you certainly seem more certain than you did about all this before these guys got here. 

CASSIUS: And what about Cicero? Should we ask him to join us? He could be a great ally. 

RALPH: Well, it says here that Casca and Cinna think it's a good idea too. And Metellus Cimber thinks that Cicero could really help. Since he's old and well respected, he could help control the reaction that people have to what you do. He says, and I'll quote, "Your use and wildness shall no wit appear but all be buried in his gravity." 

BRUTUS: Absolutely not. Cicero never follows through on what other people start. 

CASSIUS: Then we'll leave him out. 

RALPH: Then Decius asks if anybody else should be killed. 

CASSIUS: That's a good question. I do not think that Marc Antony should outlive Caesar, since Caesar loves him so much. He's smart, and if he starts to gain power, he could really hurt us in the future. They should die together. 

BRUTUS: That would be too much blood to spill, Cassius. With Caesar, we cut the head off of this danger. Why hack the limbs when the head is already off? Let us be sacrificers, not butchers. 

RALPH: Hm, but is there really a difference between a sacrifice and butchering? You're spilling his blood in both cases, right? 

BRUTUS: We all stand up against the spirit of Caesar. And in the spirit of men, there is no blood. Oh, then that we could come by Caesar's spirit and not dismember Caesar. 

RALPH: You mean stop him in his tracks, but not have to kill him. Yes, I guess you can't really kill the spirit of someone. But I might point out that sometimes someone's spirits outlives their body. 

BRUTUS: And so Caesar must bleed for it, but let's kill him boldly, not with anger. 

RALPH: That's right, and I love how you put it. You say, "Let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods, not hew him as a carcass fit for hounds." That's wonderfully said. But again, isn't that just a different way of talking about the same thing, murdering Caesar? 

BRUTUS: I disagree. There's a lot at stake in how things are done. If we show others that this is something that must be done and not out of personal passions like envy or anger, that this is something that had to be done, then the people will see us as sacrificers and not murderers. There's a huge difference. And for Mark Antony, think not of him, for he can do no more than Caesar's arm when Caesar's head is off. 

CASSIUS: I don't know. He's really loves Caesar. 

BRUTUS: I said don't think about him. If he loves Caesar that, much maybe he'll die of grief. And it's possible, because he's that kind of person. 

RALPH: Just then, the clock strikes 3:00, and you all decide that it is time to go your separate ways. 

CASSIUS: Wait, there's one thing we still have not discussed. It has been heard that Caesar may not come to the capital today. 

RALPH: Oh, really? Why not? 

CASSIUS: He's getting very superstitious, and he has never been like that. He usually hates that sort of thing. But there's this business with the soothsayer, and—

RALPH: You mean, beware the Ides of March? 

CASSIUS: Right, and then there's this crazy weather, and his own soothsayers may tell him to stay at home. 

RALPH: Oh, yes. And then Decius says—he chimes in and says that if Caesar feels that way, he's sure that he can change Caesar's mind. Oh, the way that he says it is a little confusing. He says, and I quote, "If he be so resolved," in other words, if Caesar doesn't want to come to the capital, "I can o'ersway him, for he loves to hear that unicorns may be betrayed with trees, and bears with glasses, elephants with holes, lions with toils, and men with flatterers." Unicorns betrayed with trees? 

BRUTUS: Well, you know how to catch a unicorn, don't you? 

RALPH: No, I guess I've never really thought about it before. 

BRUTUS: Cassius. 

CASSIUS: Well, it's actually pretty simple. You run, and jump, and make a lot of noise. And then when the unicorn starts to chase you, you duck behind a tree and bam, the horn gets stuck in the tree. 

RALPH: Wow, clever. I'll have to remember that. 

BRUTUS: Yeah, and you can catch bears with mirrors. 

RALPH: Really? 

CASSIUS: And dig large holes for elephants to fall into. 

BRUTUS: And throw nets over lions. 

CASSIUS: It's all pretty common knowledge. 

RALPH: And so then it's flattery that can trap a human being, it sounds like. Decius thinks he can do that with Caesar. He'll get them to the capital using flattery. 

BRUTUS: Great. So we'll meet at Caesar's at 8:00. 

CASSIUS: 8:00 it is then. 

BRUTUS: And remember, look happy. 

RALPH: Oh, that's right. As you put it, "Let not our looks put on our purposes." 

BRUTUS: Yes. 

RALPH: In other words, you want to pretend to be something that you're not. 

BRUTUS: Exactly, like actors do. 

RALPH: Like actors do. Thanks for joining us, gentlemen.