Petruchio

I’m leaving Verona for a little while, to see my friends in Padua. I especially want to visit my best friend Hortensio — and I think this is his house! Here it is, Grumio, knock.

Grumio

Knock, sir? Whom should I “knock”? Has someone offended you?

Petruchio

Idiot! I’m telling you to knock for me, here.

Grumio

Knock you here, sir? Why, sir, who am I, sir, to knock you here, sir?

Petruchio

Come on, idiot! Knock on this gate for me, and do it loudly or I’ll knock your foolish head.

Grumio

My master’s in a bad mood. If I hit him first, I’ll be sorry.

Petruchio

Is he really not going to do it? I swear, man, if you don’t knock, I’ll make you sing like a doorbell.

Grumio

Help, masters, help! My master is crazy!

Petruchio

Next time you’ll knock when I tell you to knock, you idiot!

Hortensio

Hey, what’s going on? My old friend Grumio! And my good friend Petruchio! How’s everyone at Verona doing?

Petruchio

Sir Hortensio, have you come to break up our fight? It’s good to see you, with all my heart.

Hortensio

Welcome to our house, most honorable sir Petruchio. Get up, Grumio, we’ll settle this argument.

Grumio

Listen, sir: whatever you guys are saying in Latin, I have good reason to quit working for Petruchio. Let me explain what happened. He told me to knock and hit him hard, sir. Well, would it be right for a servant to treat his master like that? Especially since, as far as I can tell, he’s a little crazy? Now I wish I’d knocked him first. I would have been better off.

Petruchio

He’s being an idiot. Hortensio, listen, I told him to knock on your door, and no matter what I said he wouldn’t do it.

Grumio

Knock on the door? Oh please! You didn’t say that, you said “knock me here, knock me hard and knock me strongly.” And now you say “knock on the door”?

Petruchio

Go away, man, or at least shut up.

Hortensio

Petruchio, calm down. I’m with Grumio on this one. It’s terrible to see you fighting. Grumio’s been your trusty servant forever. But now tell me, my friend, what wind carried you from Verona to Padua?

Petruchio

The same wind that always sends young men all over the place. To look for fortune outside of the small world of home. But to put it simply, sir Hortensio, here’s what happened. My father Antonio died, so I’m jumping into the craziness of adult life. I’m excited to face its ups and downs. I’ve got money in my pocket and savings at home, so I thought I’d get out and see the world.

Hortensio

Petruchio, let me cut to the chase: can I ask you to marry a hated woman? You’re not going to like it, but I can promise it’ll make you rich. Very rich! On second thought, you’re my good friend... I won’t ask you to do this.

Petruchio

Sir Hortensio, no need to beat around the bush. If you know someone rich enough to be my wife — since you know rich women are my type — even if she were as ugly as Florentius’ lover, as old as that ancient Sibyl, and as mean as Socrates’ nagging wife Xanthippe, I’d marry her! Even if I didn’t like her at all, even if I hated her and she were rougher than the Adriatic sea, I’d still marry her! I came to Padua to marry rich. As far as I’m concerned, a wealthy marriage is a happy marriage.

Grumio

Look, Hortensio, he’s telling you the truth. If you paid him enough, he’d marry a puppet, or a toothless old woman with more diseases than a stable full of horses. As long as money comes with her, no problem.

Hortensio

Well, Petruchio, I was only joking, but since we’ve gotten so far into it I’ll give you the details. I can help you find a wife who’s rich, young, and beautiful. She had the best upbringing, suitable for a lady. But she has one fault, one huge fault: she’s an intolerable, rude, and nagging jerk. Even if I were far poorer than I am, I wouldn’t marry her for a gold mine.

Petruchio

Hortensio, calm down! You clearly don’t understand the value of gold. Tell me her father’s name; that’s all I need to know. I’ll pursue her even if her insults are as loud as a thunderstorm.

Hortensio

Her father is Baptista Minola. He’s kind and courteous. The woman’s name is Katherina Minola, famous in Padua for her scolding.

Petruchio

I’ve never heard of her, but I do know her father. He knew my own father, before he died. I won’t sleep until I see her, Hortensio, so I should go find her. I’m sorry to leave so soon after greeting you. Or do you want to come with me?

Grumio

[To Hortensio] Sir, you’d better let him go while he still wants to go through with it. If she knew him as well as I do, she’d know her scolding won’t affect him. She can call him an idiot a dozen times — that’s nothing to him. Once he gets started, he’ll shout abuses like crazy. I’ll tell you what, sir, if she can stand him long enough, he’ll disfigure her with figures of speech until she can’t even see so much as a cat. You have no idea, sir.

Hortensio

Wait, Petruchio, I’m coming with you. My own treasure’s waiting at Baptista’s place. He’s hiding the love of my life from me like a jewel: his youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca. He’s protecting her from the other men pursuing her, too, my rivals. sSince Katherine is so horrible, like I said, her father thinks she’ll never find a husband. So he decided that nobody can pursue Bianca until Katherine the cruel gets married.

Gremio

Katherine the cruel! What a terrible title for a girl.

Hortensio

Now my friend Petruchio will do me a favor, and tell old Baptista to hire me, in disguise, as a music teacher for Bianca. That’s the only way I can get one-on-one time to flirt with her.

Grumio

Oh the trickery! See how these young men scheme against the elderly. — Master, look. Who is that?

Hortensio

Relax, Grumio. It’s my rival, he’s also after Bianca. Petruchio, let’s wait here.

Grumio

[Referring to Gremio] Oh, a handsome young man! A heartbreaker!

Gremio (to Lucentio)

Okay fine, I’ve looked at the notes you gave me. Listen: I want the books to be bound with pretty covers. And make sure that you only read to her from books about love. Do you understand me? If you do what I ask, I’ll pay you a bonus, in addition to whatever Signor Baptista gives you. And take these papers. You should scent them with perfume, because they’re for a woman sweeter than perfume itself. What will you teach her about?

Lucentio

Whatever I teach her about, I’ll try to convince her to love you, since you’re paying me. Don’t worry, it’ll be like you’re there in person to flirt with her. Maybe even better than that, since you’re not the best with words.

Gremio

Oh, how great is education!

Grumio

[Aside] Oh, how gullible is this idiot!

Petruchio

[Aside] Be quiet!

Hortensio

[Aside] Grumio, shut up! [Aloud] Oh hello, Signor Gremio.

Gremio

Good to see you, Signor Hortensio. Guess where I’m going? To Baptista Minola. I told him I’d look for a tutor for beautiful Bianca. And luckily, I found this young man. He’s perfectly educated and well behaved, and he’s read a lot of poetry and books — good ones, I’m telling you.

Hortensio

That’s nice. I’ve met someone who told me he knows a good music teacher for Bianca. So I won’t fall behind in courting Bianca, whom I love so much.

Gremio

Whom I love so much. And I’ll prove it through my actions.

Grumio

[Aside] And he’ll prove it through his wallet.

Hortensio

Gremio, now is not the time to fight over our love. Listen to this: I’ve got news that’s good for both of us. This man here says he’ll pursue Katherine the cruel, and even marry her if he gets enough money out of it.

Gremio

Great, but that’s easier said than done. Hortensio, have you told him about all her faults?

Petruchio

I know she’s an annoying, combative, and rude. But if that’s all, what’s the problem?

Gremio

What’s the problem? Where are you from, pal?

Petruchio

I was born in Verona, I’m Antonio’s son. Now that my father’s dead, his fortune is mine. I hope to live a good, long life.

Gremio

A life like that with a wife like that — how strange. But if you can handle it, by all means go ahead. I’ll do what I can to help. Will you really pursue this crazy woman?

Petruchio

Do you think I’ll survive?

Grumio

He’d better pursue her. Or I’ll hang her!

Petruchio

Why else did I come here, if not to marry her? Do you think my ears can’t handle a little bit of noise? Why, I’ve heard lions roar. I’ve heard the raging sea in a storm, rage like an angry, sweaty boar. I’ve heard cannons on the battlefield, and the sky’s own thundering weapons. In the heat of battle, I’ve heard calls to arms, horses neighing, and trumpets blaring. And you’re trying to scare me with a woman’s voice, not even half as loud as a chestnut in a crackling fire? Oh, please. Go scare little boys with your stories.

Grumio

‘Cause he doesn’t fear them.

Gremio

Listen, Hortensio, I think this man’s arrival is a good thing — both for him and for us.

Hortensio

I told him we would pay whatever it’ll cost him to pursue Katherine.

Gremio

And we will — as long as he succeeds.

Grumio

Of course he will. I wish I were this sure I’d get a good dinner.

Tranio

Gentlemen, good to see you. Sorry to be so blunt, but could you tell me how to get to Signor Baptista Minola’s house?

Biondello

You mean the one with the two beautiful daughters?

Tranio

Yes, Biondello, that’s the one.

Gremio

Wait a minute, sir, you’re not looking for her—

Tranio

Maybe both, him and her. What do you care?

Petruchio

I hope you don’t mean the one who’s always scolding.

Tranio

I’m not looking for anyone like that. Come on, Biondello, let’s go.

Lucentio

[Aside to Tranio] Nice job, Tranio!

Hortensio

Sir, just one thing before you go: are you pursuing the woman you’re talking about? Yes or no?

Tranio

Why, do you have a problem with that?

Gremio

No, as long as you leave right away.

Tranio

Why should I? Aren’t I as free as you are?

Gremio

Yes, but she isn’t.

Tranio

Why not?

Gremio

Because she’s the chosen love of Signor Gremio.

Hortensio

Because she’s the chosen love of Signor Hortensio.

Tranio

Settle down, gentlemen! Do me a favor and listen to me. Baptista is a noble gentleman, who knows my father. The prettier the girl, the more suitors she should have. In fact, if his daughter were even prettier, she’d have even more suitors—including me. Leda’s daughter, Helen of Troy, had a thousand men competing for her, so why shouldn’t Bianca have one more? So she will. Lucentio will pursue her, even if Paris himself joins the competition.

Gremio

Well! This guy will out-talk us all.

Lucentio

Oh, let him. I know he won’t last long.

Petruchio

Hortensio, what’s he talking about?

Hortensio

[To Tranio] Sir, I hope you won’t mind me asking, but have you ever actually seen Baptista’s daughter?

Tranio

No, but I hear he has two. One of them is famous for her rudeness, the other is famous for her beauty and her good behavior.

Petruchio

I’m pursuing the first one, so leave her alone.

Gremio

Yeah, leave that task to Hercules — it’ll be the hardest thing he’s had to do.

Petruchio

Listen to me, sir. Baptista is hiding his youngest daughter, the one you want, from all her suitors. He won’t let anyone court her until her older sister’s married. Then, and no sooner, will Bianca be free.

Tranio

Are you telling the truth, that you’re the one who’s going to help us all out? That you’ll break the ice for us and marry the older sister to set the younger one free, so we can court her? If you pull this off, then whoever’s lucky enough to end up with Bianca will thank you, I’m sure.

Hortensio

Well said, sir. It seems like you get the picture. Since you say you’re one of the suitors, you’ll have to join us in paying this gentleman. After all, we all owe him one.

Tranio

I promise I won’t disappoint. In fact, let’s meet up this afternoon, and toast to Bianca’s health. We should be like opposing lawyers: we’ll fight in the court, but eat and drink as friends.

Grumio and Biondello

Great idea! Let’s go, guys.

Hortensio

It’s a great idea indeed, let’s do it. Petruchio, your drinks are on me.