RALPH: Thanks for joining us, Brutus, especially when things are looking pretty bad for you and your men. As we find you now, you have a few very loyal men with you. And you tell them that it's time to just take a break, even though you're on the run. Anthony's men are hot on your heels. In fact, Clitus tells you that Statilius, another one of your most loyal men, hasn't returned from his reconnaissance mission. He must have been captured or killed. 

BRUTUS: Yes. Killing seems to be something that's very in fashion these days. Actually, where is Clitus? There's something I'd like to tell him in private. 

RALPH: What is it? You can say it here. 

BRUTUS: It's time for me to end this for myself. 

RALPH: End this for yourself? You mean kill yourself? 

BRUTUS: That's right. And it's just easier to have someone hold my sword for me while I run on it than to have to push it through my guts myself. He'll understand. 

RALPH: Well, actually, he doesn't. He says he wouldn't do that for anything in the world, for the world itself. He says he'd rather kill himself. 

BRUTUS: Fine. Dardanius then—he's still with us, right? 

RALPH: Yes, he is. But he doesn't want anything to do with this either. Are you okay? We might need some tissues in here. 

BRUTUS: Then I guess you'll have to do it, Volumnius. 

RALPH: Volumnius? My name's Ralph. This is not a good sign. 

BRUTUS: Just listen to me. The ghost of Caesar came to me on two separate occasions—once at Sardis and then at Philippi. I know this is my last day here. 

RALPH: But it doesn't have to be, right? I mean, you have options. 

BRUTUS; No. I'm sure it'll end today. Just look how things are going. It's only a matter of time. Better to leap into the grave oneself than to wait until they push you in. You and I went to school together. 

RALPH: No. No, we didn't. My name is Ralph. I went to school in California. You and Volumnius went to school together. 

BRUTUS: Exactly. And so for old time's sake, hold my sword hilt while I run on it. 

RALPH: Oh, no, not this again. Volumnius says friends don't do that for friends. I think he makes a good point. 

BRUTUS: Goodbye, Volumnius. 

RALPH: It's Ralph. 

BRUTUS: And goodbye to all my loyal men. It brings my heart great joy to know that in all my life, I never met a friend who wasn't true to me. I'll have more glory in dying for the right cause than Antony and Octavius will in winning this battle for their vile purposes, so goodbye to everyone. My tongue is almost done telling the life of Brutus. Night hangs upon my eyes, and my bones would finally rest. They've worked so hard to get me here. 

RALPH: Brutus, please—Clitus hears Anthony's soldiers approaching. There's still time to get out of here. You should run. 

BRUTUS: You, Strato, you'll hold my sword for me. 

RALPH: Nope—still Ralph. And I'm not touching that thing. 

BRUTUS: Give me your hand. 

RALPH: Well, OK, but notice that I'm not touching the sword. 

BRUTUS: Caesar, you can rest now, knowing that I killed you with the same good will I'm killing myself with. [GASP] 

RALPH: Wait, I didn't—when will I learn? Well, it's at this moment that Antony and Octavius arrive. Servilia has more on that. 

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: You wanted some tissues?