Flavius

Get out of here! Go home, you lazy peasants, go home. Is this a holiday I’m not aware of? What, don’t you know that as laborers you’re not allowed to walk around town on a work day without the tools of your trade? You there, tell me, what’s your trade?

Carpenter

Why, sir, I’m a carpenter.

Marullus

So where’s your leather apron and your ruler?  Why are you wearing your best clothes? You, sir, what’s your trade?

Cobbler

Truly, sir, compared to these fine workmen, I just cobble things together.

Marullus

But what’s your trade? Answer me directly.

Cobbler

Sir, it’s a trade that I hope to practice with a good conscience. Indeed, sir, my trade is to mend bad soles.

Marullus

What’s your trade, you peasant? You impertinent peasant, what trade is it?

Cobbler

Please, sir, don’t have it out with me. Although if you have worn out, sir, I can fix that for you.

Marullus

What do you mean? You want to fix my attitude, do you, you insolent fellow?

Cobbler

Why no sir, I meant that I could cobble you—mend your shoes if they are out.

Flavius

Ah, so you’re a cobbler, a shoe repairman, aren’t you?

Cobbler

Truly, sir, all I make my living with is the awl. I don’t involve myself with tradesmen matters, you know, union affairs. Nor do I meddle in women’s matters, if you get my meaning. But, you could say that in my trade, I deal with all. Indeed, sir, I’m like a surgeon for old shoes. When they’re in danger, I bring them to a full recovery. Some of the best men who have ever worn calfskin shoes have walked on my work.

Flavius

But why aren’t you in your shop today? Why are you leading these men around in the streets?

Cobbler

Well, sir, I’m just trying to wear out their shoes to give myself some more business! But actually, sir, we’re taking a holiday to view Caesar lead his army in its triumphal parade into the city, and celebrate his victory over Pompey’s son.

Marullus

Why are you celebrating? What plunder is he bringing back from this war? Who are these prisoners in chains trailing behind his chariots? Not barbarians, but fellow Romans! Oh you blockheads, you’re as senseless as rocks. Oh you cruel, heartless men of Rome, don’t you remember Pompey? Many times you would climb up walls to stand in towers and at windows, or even to the chimney-tops, with your babies in your arms; and you would sit there all day, patiently waiting to see Pompey come through the streets of Rome.

And when you saw his chariot, do you remember how you gave such a huge, universal roar that it made the Tiber river tremble in its riverbed from the echo off its banks? Are you now donning your best clothes, declaring this a holiday, and spreading flowers in the path of the man coming to celebrate the bloody defeat of Pompey’s son, the last of that great noble Roman house? Go, get to your houses and fall on your knees and pray to the gods to halt the plague they must be descending on you for your ingratitude.

Flavius

Go, my fellow Romans, and to repent for this fault, gather your fellow working men on the banks of the Tiber, and weep into the river so that it will swell from its lowest level up to to its highest banks.

Let’s see if these shameful characters have been affected by our scolding. Look, they’re going away speechless with guilt. You proceed that way towards the Capitol building, I’ll go the other way. Take down any honorary decorations they’ve placed on Caesar’s statues.

Marullus

Are we allowed to do that? You know today’s also the feast of Lupercal, celebrating the founding of Rome.

Flavius

It doesn’t matter. Let none of Caesar’s statues be hung with garlands. I’ll go around the city and get these uncouth fools off of the streets. You do the same wherever you see them gathered. In this way we will clip Caesar’s wings, restraining him; otherwise he’ll soar like a hawk and keep us in fearful slavery.