RALPH: So Hamlet's off for England, and it's time to check back in with the royal couple to see how things are going without him. Welcome back, your highnesses. Has it helped matters to have Hamlet out of your hair, so to speak? 

GERTRUDE: Well, we didn't want him to leave. He's been having so much trouble lately. 

CLAUDIUS: But it'll do him good. Some ocean air, a diplomatic mission in the service of his country. He'll be fine. 

RALPH: Excuse me. Right now? I'm sorry, it appears Ophelia you would like to speak with you, Madam? 

GERTRUDE: Oh, this is not the time, I'm afraid. We have far too much to deal with to have her weeping all over everything. 

RALPH: Well, I hate to argue with you, your highness, but it might be wise to talk to her, especially given that you're trying to keep a lid on this Polonius situation. 

CLAUDIUS: Polonius situation? What do you know about that? 

RALPH: Well, Ophelia could cause a stir, create a scandal. 

GERTRUDE: Oh, very well then. 

RALPH: Sarah, what's happening over there? 

SARAH: Thanks, Ralph. This is quite unusual. I'm standing here with—well, I suppose with Ophelia. And she's in quite a state. 

OPHELIA: Where is the beauteous majesty of Denmark? 

GERTRUDE: What are you talking about, young lady? 

OPHELIA: How should I your true love know from another one by his cockle hat and staff and his sandal shoe. 

GERTRUDE: Look here, Ophelia, I know Hamlet is a difficult boy and he has not treated you as he should. 

OPHELIA: He's dead and gone, lady, he's dead and gone. At his head, grass-green turf. At his heels, a stone. 

CLAUDIUS: How can she know about that? He just got on the boat. 

GERTRUDE: Honey, of course she knows about Polonius. 

CLAUDIUS: Oh yes, of course. Well, fine. 

OPHELIA: I hope all will be well. We must be patient. But still, I cannot choose but weep to think they would lay him in the cold ground. My brother shall know of it. And so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, my coach. Good night, ladies. Good night, sweet ladies, good night. Good night. 

CLAUDIUS: Can someone attend to her? She really should be looked after. 

RALPH: Oh, dear. What do you think is going on? 

CLAUDIUS: Oh, this is the poison of deep grief. It springs all from her father's death. 

RALPH: Yes, as you put it, Claudius, her sorrows have left her divided from herself and her fair judgment, without the which we are pictures or mere beasts. 

CLAUDIUS: Oh, Gertrude, when sorrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions. 

[CROWD NOISE] 

GERTRUDE: Oh, dear, what's all that noise? 

CLAUDIUS: You assured us we'd be safe here. 

RALPH: Don't worry, your highness. I'm sure this is nothing. Sarah, what's going on? 

SARAH: I don't know how to describe it, Ralph. It's almost as if revolution were breaking out right here in Elsinore. Laertes has been running around the castle with a group of armed men. And the people are calling for him to be king. 

LAERTES: Where is the king? Ah, oh thou vile king. Give me my father. 

GERTRUDE: Laertes, calm down. 

CLAUDIUS: Why this huge fuss, Laertes, like you're taking over Denmark? 

LAERTES: Where is my father? 

CLAUDIUS: Dead. 

LAERTES: How came he dead? I'll not be juggled with. 

GERTRUDE: Claudius had nothing to do with it. 

LAERTES: The hell allegiance vows to the blackest devil. I don't care if I'm eternally damned. I'm getting revenge for my father. 

CLAUDIUS: And who is going to get in your way? 

LAERTES: No one. 

CLAUDIUS: Wonderful. And it's part of your revenge to kill everybody—your friends and enemies alike? 

LAERTES: What? No. No, just enemies. 

CLAUDIUS: And you're sure you know who they are? Look, Laertes, I had nothing to do with your father's death. And I'll make that perfectly clear. 

LAERTES: What's this? My poor sister. Kind sister, sweet Ophelia. 

OPHELIA: They bore him barefaced on the bier. And in his grave rained many a tear. 

LAERTES: Oh, god. You couldn't make me want revenge more if you were still sane and tried to talk me into it. 

OPHELIA: And here's rosemary for remembrance, and pansies, and fennel, and columbines. Oh, here's rue for you. And here's some for me. God be with ye. 

CLAUDIUS: Laertes, I know this is awful, but you must let me explain. If, after that, you still think I had something to do with this, I'll give up my kingdom, my crown, my life happily. Just meet me in my chambers. 

LAERTES: So be it. 

CLAUDIUS: Don't worry. This will only take a second. 

GERTRUDE: Well, I guess it's just us. So, your highness, if you don't mind, I can't help but ask, did your involvement with King Claudius start before King Hamlet's death? Did you, in fact, know about or have something to do with the murder itself? You can't say that we don't ask the tough questions.