RALPH: Welcome back to our discussion of Hamlet. Act Three has just ended with Hamlet dragging the body of Polonius, saying, "indeed this counselor is now most still, most secret, and most grave, who was in life a foolish, prating knave." A bit of a fool, it's true. But I, for one, am going to miss him. We're just about to dive into the fast moving Act Four and—Prince Hamlet, our guest in studio today, has stepped out briefly. Sarah, what's happening back at the castle? 

SARAH: Well, Ralph. Act Four does indeed start in high gear with four short scenes in rapid succession. So we're running a bit behind schedule. In Scene One, Gertrude tells Claudius that Hamlet's gone quite mad and has killed Polonius hidden behind this curtain. Claudius realizes it might have just as easily been him, and that Hamlet is indeed dangerous. What's more, somebody is going to have to answer for the murder, so he wants to send Hamlet to England as soon as possible. 

RALPH: But wait. Sarah, what have they done with Polonius? 

SARAH: As I was saying, Claudius tells Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to find Hamlet and to bring the body of Polonius to the chapel. But Scene Two opens with Hamlet explaining that he's already hidden the body. 

RALPH: Oh, so Hamlet, he's with them. 

SARAH: Yes. He's there now. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern arrive and try to make Hamlet tell them where he's hidden the body. But Hamlet, always the cagey one, won't tell them a thing. Do we have that clip? 

[SOUND OF FILM REWINDING] 

ROSENCRANTZ: My lord, you must tell us where the body is and go with us to the king. 

HAMLET: The body is with the king. But the king is not with the body. The king is a thing. 

GUILDENSTERN: A thing, my lord? 

HAMLET: Of nothing. Bring me to him. 

SARAH: Now, that one really threw me. But I did have the chance to speak to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern about this some moments ago. 

[SOUND OF FILM REWINDING] 

SARAH: Gentlemen, what's Hamlet talking about? 

ROSENCRANTZ: Well, Hamlet is saying that the body is—well, the king, Claudius, our noble liege, is not with the body. Well, he doesn't know where the body is. The—

GUILDENSTERN: It's a riddle, it's a riddle. 

ROSENCRANTZ: It's very complicated. 

GUILDENSTERN: It's a riddle, like what walks on four feet in the morning, two during the day, and then three at night? 

ROSENCRANTZ: He uses it at parties all the time. Man is the answer. 

GUILDENSTERN: No, don't tell the ans— 

ROSENCRANTZ: Everyone knows the answer. 

SARAH: Right, great. I think I get it. And then what happens next? 

ROSENCRANTZ: Well, we're going to take Hamlet to the thing—uh, king. 

GUILDENSTERN: Do you smell something? 

ROSENCRANTZ: Yes, I do. I'm glad you said—

GUILDENSTERN: It's so bad. It's awful. 

ROSENCRANTZ: Yes, it's terrible. 

GUILDENSTERN: It's like something's gone off. 

ROSENCRANTZ: Yes, it smells like something is rotten—

GUILDENSTERN: Yeah, yeah. 

ROSENCRANTZ: —in this castle. In Denmark. 

GUILDENSTERN: Do you smell that? 

SARAH: No. 

GUILDENSTERN: Wow, that's bad. 

SARAH: Indeed, Ralph. In Scene Three, the two courtiers bring Hamlet to King Claudius, who grills him about the location of the body. Hamlet, nevertheless, manages to keep them guessing. He explains that Polonius is at supper. Do we have that clip? 

[SOUND OF FILM REWINDING] 

HAMLET: Not where he eats. Where he is eaten. A certain convocation of politic worms are eating at him. Your worm is your only emperor for diet. We fat all creatures else to fat ourselves. And we fat ourselves for maggots. 

SARAH: What a command of language. 

RALPH: Yes, but what is he talking about? 

SARAH; Well, Ralph, in addition to making a sly reference to the 1521 council organized by the Holy Roman Emperor, the diet of worms, Hamlet's clearly pointing out the irony of the food chain. We fatten animals up to eat, but when we eat them, we're fattening ourselves up for the worms when we're dead. Hamlet's remarks are humbling for anyone, especially a king. That can't make Claudius happy. 

RALPH: So does Claudius finally get Hamlet to tell him where the body is? 

SARAH: Yes, he finally hints that they'll smell Polonius as they go up the stairs. So they go to look for him around the stairway. Then Claudius tells Hamlet that, for his own safety, a ship is waiting to take him to England. Oddly, Hamlet says that that sounds great, wishes Claudius goodbye while calling him his mother, and heads off to the ship, with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern following behind. 

RALPH: So why would Hamlet be so willing to leave Elsinore now that he's sure he's got to kill Claudius? 

SARAH: That's not at all clear, Ralph. But hold on. The best, or worst, is yet to come. We are breaking this story live. Claudius has a nasty surprise in store for Hamlet when he arrives in England. Claudius is sending him with a letter to the English king, commanding that Hamlet be killed immediately upon his arrival. 

RALPH: Wow, kill Hamlet. Incredible. Are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in on this plan? 

SARAH: I doubt it very much, Ralph. In fact—oh, here comes Hamlet now. Excuse me, Prince Hamlet, a few words. 

HAMLET: Yeah, sure. But just make it quick. 

SARAH: Thank you. Thank you. So King Claudius has suggested it might be best for you to go to England for a while until this Polonius situation blows over. Are you sure this is the right time to be leaving Elsinore? 

ROSENCRANTZ: Yes, Hamlet and I—

GUILDENSTERN: And I are going to England. We're going to England. 

ROSENCRANTZ: It's time to take a nice little vacation to jolly old England together. Pip pip [INAUDIBLE]. 

HAMLET: And you reserved the window seats on the boat? 

GUILDENSTERN: He did. He took care of all the tickets. 

ROSENCRANTZ: Guildenstern, you said you were going to—I asked you—

GUILDENSTERN: No, you said you were going to. 

ROSENCRANTZ: Three first class—how hard is it— 

GUILDENSTERN: No, you said, I'm booking the ticketing. 

ROSENCRANTZ: I don't know what I have to do— 

GUILDENSTERN: You know you did. I'll do it. I'll just do it right now. 

ROSENCRANTZ: You know we're going to have to sleep with the livestock. 

HAMLET: I'm right behind you. 

GUILDENSTERN: Remember your passport. 

HAMLET: I will. I'm right behind you. I need this trip to plan next steps. 

SARAH: Yes, and just before you leave Denmark, you run into the captain of Fortinbras Army from Norway, who confesses they'll be fighting the Polish over a small, really worthless piece of land. And you're amazed at what a mad thing war is. 

HAMLET: Well, it is, isn't it? I mean, think of all the money that will be spent and all the souls that will be lost. I mean, why should these men die? 

SARAH: So true, why indeed? 

HAMLET: I'm just thinking about what it is to be a man, to be human. If it's just eating and sleeping, then we're just animals. But we have the use of reason, and we're supposed to use it. 

SARAH: Absolutely brilliant, as usual. But, if I might, why these reflections now? 

HAMLET: Well, I need to kill Claudius, right? But I haven't done it yet. And this Norwegian army is just another example. Off they go to fight this war, to face danger and possibly death. And for what? For an egg shell, for nothing. And true greatness doesn't wait for some great cause to fight for. And what does that say about me? My father's been killed. My mother's been shamed. Both reason and honor say I should do this, yet I just sit idly by doing nothing. No, that's going to stop. 

SARAH: So you are more resolved than ever to kill Claudius. Tell us how you say it. 

HAMLET: From this time forth, my thoughts be bloody or nothing worth. 

SARAH: Oh, yes. Do be careful. Wow.