RALPH: Welcome back to our discussion of Hamlet. It looks like there's a lot going on in Elsinore, from trouble in the royal family to threats of military invasion. But in act one, scene three, we learn about a second family, with difficulties of their own to manage. For more on that, let's go back to our reporter on the scene— Sarah. 

SARAH: Welcome back, everyone. Act one, scene three, takes place in the house of Polonius, an advisor to the new king. Right now, Polonius' son, Laertes, is getting ready to embark for France. Before he leaves, though, he's giving some brotherly advice to his younger sister, Ophelia, who it turns out, has been the object of Prince Hamlet's ardent affections. Laertes is warning his sister to proceed cautiously with Hamlet, but she's smart, this Ophelia. She knows her brother has been playing the ladies in Paris and should practice what he preaches. Here's Polonius now. Sir, a quick word with your fans. 

POLONIUS: Oh, look, I'm terribly sorry, miss, but my son's about to miss his boat. 

SARAH: Let's listen in. 

LAERTES: I stay too long. But here my father comes. A double blessing is a double grace. Occasion smiles upon a second leave. 

POLONIUS: Yet here, Laertes, aboard, aboard, for shame. The wind sits on the shoulder of your sail, and you are stayed for. There, my blessing with thee, and these few precepts in thy memory look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Those friends thou hast at their adoption tried, grapple them to the soul with hoops of steel, but do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new-hatched unfledged comrade. Beware of entrance to a quarrel. But being in, bear it that the opposed may beware of thee. Give each man thy ear but few thy voice. Take each man's censure but reserve thy judgment. Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy, rich not gaudy. For the apparel oft proclaims the man, and they in France of the best rank and station are of a most select and generous chief in that. Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all, to mine own self be true. Then it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not be false to any man. Farewell. My blessing season this in thee. 

LAERTES: Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord. 

POLONIUS: The time invites you. Go. Your servants tend. 

LAERTES: Farewell, Ophelia, and remember well what I have said to you. 

OPHELIA: 'Tis in my memory locked, and you yourself shall keep the key of it. 

LAERTES: Farewell. 

SARAH: Well, Laertes, off to Paris, is it? 

LAERTES: That's right. I've got a boat to catch. There's room in my cabin for one more. 

SARAH: About Hamlet, do you think your sister will heed your advice? 

LAERTES: I hope so. I mean, Hamlet's the crown prince of Denmark. Princes can't just marry whomever they please. I just don't want her to get hurt. 

SARAH: In other words, don't hook up with a public figure or social climber unless you know he can take you with him. Sound advice. Meanwhile, your father is telling Ophelia not to see the prince at all. 

LAERTES: Yeah, well, he's full of advice if you haven't noticed. Well, look, I better get going—last chance. 

SARAH: I'd hate to deprive the French girls of you. Poor girl—her father and her brother seem to know what's best for her, but not once have they asked what would make Ophelia happy. Ralph. 

RALPH: Thanks, Sarah. So Hamlet, Laertes has just taken off for Paris, leaving Ophelia at home with her father. 

HAMLET: Yeah, so? 

RALPH: So don't you have a thing for Ophelia? 

HAMLET: Yeah, we're dating, but I hardly see how that's any of your business. 

RALPH: Well, it's not really, I mean, if you prefer not to talk about it. 

HAMLET: Oh, thank God. 

RALPH: What is it? 

HAMLET: It's my friend, Horatio. He wants me to meet him at the battlements.