Quince

Did you send anyone to Bottom’s house? Has he come home yet? 

Starveling

No one knows where he is. No doubt he’s been kidnapped. 

Flute

If he doesn’t come back, then the play is ruined. We can’t go on, right? 

Quince

Right. It’s not possible to do the play without him. There’s no one else in Athens who could play Pyramus. 

Flute

True. He’s the smartest craftsman in all of Athens. 

Quince

Yes, and he’s the best looking person too. And his voice is the paramour of sweetness. 

Flute

You mean “paragon.” A paramour is nothing good. 

Snug

Masters, the Duke is coming back from the temple, and it turns out two or three other couples got married too. If we had been able to put on our play, we would have been made men. 

Flute

Poor Bottom. He would have gotten sixpence every day for the rest of his life if he had been able to play Pyramus for the Duke today. He would definitely have gotten sixpence a day. If the duke didn’t give him sixpence a day for playing Pyramus, I’ll eat my hat. And he would have earned it. Sixpence a day for playing Pyramus or not a penny at all. 

Bottom

Where are these men? Where are these fellows? 

Quince

Bottom! O what a day! What a happy moment!

Bottom

Masters, I’m here to tell you about wondrous things. But don’t ask me what, because if I tell you, then I’m no Athenian. I will tell you everything, just as it happened. 

Quince

Tell us, dear Bottom. 

Bottom

You won’t get a word out of me. All I can tell you is that the Duke has eaten. So get your costumes on, put your beards on, and lace your shoes with new ribbons. Then let’s meet at the palace as soon as possible. Every man should review his part. The long and short of it is, the Duke has requested our play to be performed. Whatever happens, let Thisbe have clean clothes, and make sure whoever is playing the lion doesn’t trim his nails, because we’ll want them long, to look like the lion’s claws. And dear actors, don’t eat any onions or garlic, because we want our breath to smell pleasant, and then they will think the play is pleasant too. I’ll say no more. Hurry! Go!