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Guildenstern

The queen, your mother, in most great
affliction of spirit, has sent me to you.

Hamlet   

You are welcome. 

Guildenstern

Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed.
If it shall please you to make me a wholesome answer,
I will do your mother's commandment. If not, your
pardon and my return shall be the end of my business.

Hamlet   

Sir, I cannot.

Rosencrantz   

What, my lord?

Hamlet

Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseased. 
But, sir, such answer as I can make, you shall command —
or rather, you say, my mother. Therefore no more, but    
to the matter. My mother, you say.

Rosencrantz

Then thus she says: your behavior has struck her 
into amazement and admiration.
[Enter Hamlet, and two or three of the Players (actors)]

Hamlet

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to 
you, trippingly on the tongue. But if you mouth it, as
many of your players do, I had as lief the town crier had
spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with
your hand, thus, but use all gently. For in the very torrent,
tempest, and as I may say, whirlwind of your passion,
you acquire and beget a temperance that may give
it smoothness. Oh, it offends me to the soul to hear a 
robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to 
tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings,
who for the most part are capable of nothing but
inexplicable dumb shows and noise. I could have such a    
fellow whipped for o’erdoing Termagant. It out-Herods     
Herod. Pray you avoid it.
[Enter Hamlet, and two or three of the Players (actors)]

Hamlet

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to 
you, trippingly on the tongue. But if you mouth it, as
many of your players do, I had as lief the town crier had
spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with
your hand, thus, but use all gently. For in the very torrent,
tempest, and as I may say, whirlwind of your passion,
you acquire and beget a temperance that may give
it smoothness. Oh, it offends me to the soul to hear a 
robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to 
tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings,
who for the most part are capable of nothing but
inexplicable dumb shows and noise. I could have such a    
fellow whipped for o’erdoing Termagant. It out-Herods     
Herod. Pray you avoid it.

Horatio

                                             Well, my lord. 
If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing
And 'scape detected, I will pay the theft.

Hamlet 

They are coming to the play. I must be idle.    
Get you a place.
[Enter King, Queen, Polonius, Ophelia, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and other Lords.]

Claudius   

How fares our cousin Hamlet?     

Hamlet

Excellent, i'faith, of the chameleon's dish; I eat the
air, promise-crammed. You cannot feed capons so.    

Claudius

I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet. These 
words are not mine.    

Hamlet

No, nor mine. [To Polonius] Now, my lord, 

Hamlet

No, nor mine. [To Polonius] Now, my lord, 
you played once i'th' university, you say?

Polonius

That did I, my lord, and was accounted a good actor.

Hamlet   

And what did you enact?

Polonius

I did enact Julius Caesar. I was killed i'th' Capitol.
Brutus killed me.

Hamlet

It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there.
Be the players ready?

Hamlet

[To Ophelia]  Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Ophelia

No, my lord!

Hamlet   

I mean, my head upon your lap. 

Ophelia

Ay, my lord.

Hamlet   

Do you think I meant country matters?

Ophelia

I think nothing, my lord.

Hamlet   

That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

Ophelia

What is, my lord?

Hamlet   

“Nothing.”    

Ophelia

You are merry, my lord.

Ophelia

You are merry, my lord.

Hamlet   

Who, I?

Ophelia

Ay, my lord.

Hamlet

Oh, God, your only jig-maker. What should a man do    
but be merry? For look you how cheerfully my mother
looks, and my father died within's two hours.

Hamlet    

may outlive his life halfa year. But, by'r Lady, he must
build churches then, or else shall he suffer not thinking on, 
with the hobby-horse whose epitaph is:
"For oh, for oh, the hobby-horse is forgot."    

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