Taming of the Shrew

Petruchio

Signor Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we,
Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know
One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife —
As wealth is burden of my wooing dance —    
Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,
As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd
As Socrates' Xanthippe or a worse,
She moves me not — or not removes at least
Affection's edge in me — were she as rough
As are the swelling Adriatic seas.
I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
If wealthily, then happily, in Padua.

Petruchio

Signor Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we,
Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know
One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife —
As wealth is burden of my wooing dance —    
Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,
As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd
As Socrates' Xanthippe or a worse,
She moves me not — or not removes at least
Affection's edge in me — were she as rough
As are the swelling Adriatic seas.
I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
If wealthily, then happily, in Padua.

Grumio

[To Hortensio] Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind     
is. Why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet     
or an aglet-baby, or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her     
head, though she have as many diseases as two-and-fifty
horses. Why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes     
withal.        

Grumio

[To Hortensio] I pray you, sir, let him go while the
humor lasts. O' my word, an she knew him as well as
I do, she would think scolding would do little good
upon him. She may perhaps call him half a score     
knaves or so — why, that's nothing. An he begin once,     
he'll rail in his rope tricks. I'll tell you what, sir, an she    
stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in her face,     
and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no more
eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.

Grumio

[To Hortensio] I pray you, sir, let him go while the
humor lasts. O' my word, an she knew him as well as
I do, she would think scolding would do little good
upon him. She may perhaps call him half a score     
knaves or so — why, that's nothing. An he begin once,     
he'll rail in his rope tricks. I'll tell you what, sir, an she    
stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in her face,     
and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no more
eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.

Hortensio

Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,    
For in Baptista's keep my treasure is.    
He hath the jewel of my life in hold,
His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca,    
And her withholds from me and others more,    
Suitors to her, and rivals in my love.
Supposing it a thing impossible —
For those defects I have before rehearsed —    
That ever Katherina will be woo'd,
Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en:    
That none shall have access unto Bianca

Grumio

A title for a maid, of all titles the worst.

Hortensio

Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,    
And offer me disguised in sober robes
To old Baptista as a schoolmaster,
Well seen in music to instruct Bianca,    
That so I may by this device at least    
Have leave and leisure to make love to her,    
And, unsuspected, court her by herself.

Grumio

Here's no knavery. See, to beguile the old folks, how     

Grumio

My master is grown quarrelsome.
I should knock you first,
And then I know after who comes by the worst.

Petruchio

Will it not be?
Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll ring it;
[He wrings Grumio by the ears. Grumio falls to the ground screaming]
I'll try how you can ‘sol,’ ‘fa,’ and sing it.

Hortensio

Rise, Grumio, rise. We will compound this quarrel.

Grumio

Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin.
If this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service!
Look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap him soundly,
sir. Well, was it fit for a servant to use his master so, being
perhaps, for aught I see, two and thirty, a pip out?
Whom would to God I had well knocked at first,     
Then had not Grumio come by the worst.

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