Robin (Puck)

How are you, fairy? Where are you going?

Fairy

I wander over hills and through valleys, through bushes and through shrubs, over hunting grounds and over pastures, through flood and through fire — faster than the moon orbits the earth. I serve the Fairy Queen Titania, placing dew on her fairy circles in the grass. Her bodyguards are tall cowslip flowers. You an see dark spots on their yellow petals; these are rubies that are gifts from fairies. You can smell their perfume in those spots. I’m here searching for dewdrops, so that I can hang them on the petals of cowslips. Goodbye, you clown; I must go. Our Queen Titania and all her elves are coming soon. 

Robin (Puck)

The Fairy King, Oberon, will celebrate here tonight. Make sure he doesn’t see the Queen, because Oberon is very angry that Titania has taken a young boy from an Indian king to act as her attendant. She has never had such a sweet child. Oberon is jealous, and wants the child to be his attendant and roam the wild forests with him. But she refuses to turn the boy over to Oberon. She gives the boy flower crowns and dotes on him. And now Oberon and Titania fight every time they meet—whether it’s in the forest, the fields, by springs, or at night. They fight so much that all their fairies hide in acorn cups. 

Fairy

Unless I’ve mistaken you for someone else, you’re Robin Goodfellow, that playful, mischievous spirit. Aren’t you the one who scares young women in the village, stealing the cream off the top of the milk, breaking the hand mill, and wearing out the housewives by preventing the milk they churn from turning into butter? The one who leads people astray as they walk at night, and then laughs at them? You work on behalf of those who call you hobgoblin and sweet puck. Isn’t that you?

Robin (Puck)

You’re right. That’s me — a happy night wanderer. I joke with Oberon and make him smile when I trick a fat old horse by neighing like a young foal. Sometimes I lurk in the bowl of a gossipy old woman, and when she drinks I bob up like an apple against her lips and make her spill beer all over her wrinkled neck. A wise old woman telling sad stories sometimes thinks I’m a tripod stool, and when I slip out from under her, she falls down, cries “ouch!” and starts coughing. Then all the women put their hands on their hips and laugh, and sneeze, and swear it’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened. But make room, fairy. Oberon is coming. 

Fairy

Titania is coming too. I wish Oberon weren’t here. 

Oberon

It’s not so great to see you, haughty Titania. 

Titania

What do you want, jealous Oberon? Fairies, let’sleave. I have sworn off Oberon and I’ll never sleep with him.  

Oberon

Wait a second, Titania. Aren’t I your lord? 

Titania

Then I guess I’m your lady. But I know you’ve slipped away from fairyland, pretended to be Corin the shepherd, and played love songs on corn pipes to Phillida, the Thracian king’s daughter. Why have you come here from the farthest mountains of India? The only reason is that your Amazonian warrior mistress Hippolyta is getting married to Theseus, and you’ve come to bless their marriage. 

Oberon

Can you seriously criticize my relationship with Hippolyta when you love Theseus? After he raped Perigouna, didn’t you lead him through the glimmering night to cheat on his other women, Ariadne and Antiopa with beautiful Aegles?

Titania

You’re just pretending to be jealous. Ever since the beginning of midsummer, your fighting has disturbed my fairies whenever we meet to dance in the hills, valleys, forests, or meadows, by rocky springs or rushing streams, or on the sea shore. Those dances are for the wind, and because you’ve disturbed us, we cannot answer the song of the wind. As revenge, the wind has drawn fogs out of the sea, and when the fog falls on the land, it makes the rivers overflow. You’ve made the oxen’s and farmer’s efforts pointless because the corn has rotted before the ears have developed their husks. There are no sheep in the sheep pens in the flooded field, and the crows fill themselves up by feasting on the carcasses of the dead sheep. The playing fields are filled with mud, and there are no footprints in the grass because no one walks there. The mortal humans haven’t experienced a winter here, which means that their nights are not blessed with winter hymns and carols. The moon, who influences the tides is pale with anger, and fills the air with contagious diseases. All this disorder has altered the seasons: red roses are covered in frost, and summer blossoms grow on winter’s thin and icy crown, like a sick joke. Spring, summer, fruitful autumn, and angry winter do not appear as they usually do, and the confused world can’t figure out which is which. This all comes from our arguments and disagreements. We have caused this. 

Oberon

Fix it, then. The responsibility lies with you. Why should Titania cross her Oberon? All I want is the changeling to be my attendant. 

Titania

Stop being upset about this. You will not buy the child from me. His mother was a devoted member of my order. We used to gossip together at night in India, or sit together on the beach, watching the merchant sailors and laughing to see the sails full of wind, looking like pregnant women. She was pregnant with this child at the time, and imitated these ships, sailing over the land to bring me trinkets. But she was mortal, and died in childbirth. So it’s for her sake that I am raising her son. For her sake, I will not give him up. 

Oberon

How long are you going to stay in this forest?

Titania

Possibly until after Theseus’ wedding day. Come with us, if you want to dance with us and watch our moonlit celebrations. If not, leave me alone, and I’ll leave you alone. 

Oberon

Hand over the boy and I’ll go with you. 

Titania

I wouldn’t do that even if you gave me your whole fairy kingdom. Fairies, let’s go. We’ll fight if I stay any longer. 

Oberon

Leave, then. You won’t leave this grove until I take revenge on you for the insult of not handing over the boy. Gentle puck, come here. Do you remember the time I sat on a promontory and heard a mermaid, who was sitting on the back of a dolphin, sing a song that was so sweet that she calmed the sea, and the stars came down to hear her?

Robin (Puck)

Yes, I remember. 

Oberon

You couldn’t see it, but I saw Cupid that day, flying between the moon and the earth, armed with his bow and arrow. He aimed at a beautiful virgin who was sitting in the west, and fired his arrow so fast it could have pieced a hundred thousand hearts. But the moonbeams diverted the arrow, and the vestal virgin, unhit, moved along, none the wiser. But I saw where the arrow landed. It hit a white flower, which then turned purple from the wound. The maidens call it “love-in-idleness.” Get that flower for me — I showed it to you once. If you put the flower’s nectar on the eyelids of a sleeping person, it will make them infatuated with the next living thing they see. Get me that flower, and return before a whale can swim three miles. 

Robin (Puck)

I’ll circle the earth in forty minutes. 

Oberon

Once I have this nectar, I’ll watch Titania while she’s sleeping, and put some of it on her eyelids. Then, when she wakes up, the next thing she sees — whether it’s a lion, bear, wolf, bull, nosy monkey, or busy ape — will be the object of her affections. And before I lift the spell (which I can do with another herb), I’ll make her hand over the child to me. But who’s coming? Since I am invisible, I can eavesdrop on their conversation. 

Demetrius

I don’t love you, so don’t pursue me. Where are Lysander and beautiful Hermia? I’ll kill Lysander and Hermia kills me with her rejection. You told me they had escaped into this forest, and I’m going nuts because I cannot find Hermia. So go away. Stop following me. 

Helena

You draw me like a magnet, but my heart is as true as steel. If you stop attracting me, I won’t be attracted to you. 

Demetrius

Am I leading you on? Am I speaking nicely to you? Or am I telling you as clearly as possible that I do not love you and I cannot love you?

Helena

That only makes me love you more. I am your dog, and the more you beat me, the more I’ll follow you. Treat me like you would treat your dog: shun me, hit me, neglect me, set me loose — just let me, as unworthy as I am, follow you. Is there a lower status — and yet a high status in my opinion — than to be treated as your dog?

Demetrius

Don’t tempt my hatred. Looking at you makes me sick. 

Helena

Not looking at you makes me sick. 

Demetrius

You’ve hurt your reputation by fleeing the city, putting yourself in the hands of a man who doesn’t love you, and trusting your virtue to a deserted, shady place in the middle of the night.

Helena

Your virtue will save me, because when I look at you, it’s not night. Therefore I don’t think it’s nighttime, and this forest isn’t deserted when you’re here. How can I be alone when you, who are the whole world to me, are here?

Demetrius

I’ll run away and hide in the trees, abandoning you to be attacked by wild beasts. 

Helena

There’s no beast as cruel as you. Run, if you want. We’ll just switch around the myth: Daphne will chase Apollo, instead of the other way around. The dove will chase the griffin, and the deer will chase the tiger. Speed is worthless when a coward chases a brave person who runs away.

Demetrius

I won’t stay and listen to this. Let me go. Or if you follow me, rest assured, I’ll hurt you in this forest. 

Helena

You hurt me everywhere — in the temple, town, or field. Demetrius, you harm my entire sex. We women can’t fight for love like men can. We’re supposed to be pursued — not do the pursuing. I’ll keep following you. Even if you kill me, that hell would be heavenly because I love you so much. 

Oberon

Good bye, dear. Before he leaves this forest, you’ll be fleeing him, and he’ll be chasing you. 

Do you have the flower? Welcome back. 

Robin (Puck)

Yes, here it is. 

Oberon

Please hand it over. I know a place where wild thyme, oxslips, and violets grow. It as a canopy of musk-roses and eglantine. That’s where Titania sleeps, lulled to sleep by her fairies with dances and music. In this place a snake sheds her skin, which is big enough for a fairy to wrap up in. I’ll drop this flower nectar on Titania’s eyes and make her dream horrible dreams. Take some of this nectar, Puck, and in this forest search for an Athenian lady who is in unrequited love with a young man. Drop this nectar on his eyes, but do it when you can be sure that the next thing he sees will be this young woman. You’ll be able to tell it’s him because he’ll be wearing Athenian clothes. Perform this duty carefully, so that he’ll be more in love with her than she is with him. And then meet me before the first rooster crow. 

Robin (Puck)

Don’t worry, my lord. I’ll do it.